Columns
HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:

Family Money

Personal Directions

The Doctor's Consultation by Dr. Iain Corness

Agony Column

Camera Class by Snapshot

Dr Byte's Computer Conundrums

Mrs. DoLittle’s Corner

Family Money: Choosing the Right Funds

By Leslie Wright,
Managing director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd.

There are literally hundreds of theories you can use to choose individual stocks. Finding the right fund is a little more straightforward.

Most independent advisers simply look at how funds have performed in the past, arguing – somewhat spuriously – that if a manager has outperformed his peers over the past few years, there is no reason why he or she can’t continue to do so. There is more to it than this, but you can go a long way just by following some simple guidelines and avoiding the most common mistakes.

Choosing Your Fund

First, you need to look at your overall portfolio of assets, not just unit trusts, but stocks, property and any other investments you hold. This will give you an idea of where any holes exist, in terms of geographical or sector exposure. It will also give you the chance to assess your overall levels of risk, which will tell you whether you can afford to take a punt on a high risk fund, or whether you need a safer, core holding. You should also check that you are happy with the level of income generated from your portfolio.

Most funds aim to deliver long-term capital growth, but a new breed – usually referred to as ‘focus’ funds - aggressively target out-performance by harnessing the stock-picking skills of individual managers. These funds usually hold around 30~40 stocks, as opposed to the usual 100 or more. Focus funds are designed to produce absolute returns and are not, therefore, preoccupied with matching benchmark indices.

If you’re more risk-averse, or are starting out in the investment game, you should look at funds-of-funds which, as the name suggests, invest in a range of other mutual funds, rather than individual stocks. But remember that these vehicles are designed to offer diversification, not out-performance, and they can be expensive because there are two layers of charges. As a cheap alternative, you should perhaps be looking at tracker funds.

If you need more income, you could go for a corporate bond fund. These come in three guises: those that buy investment-grade bonds, those that buy high-yield bonds, and those that buy both. Investment-grade bonds tend to be issued by quality, established companies. Higher-yielding bonds are issued by less financially-secure companies, and pay out a higher income to compensate for the increased risk of default. Alternatively, you could go for an equity income fund, investing in defensive – or ‘value’ – stocks that pay good dividends.

Assessing The Product

Once you have decided which class of fund you want, you need to assess individual products. Performance is as good a place to start as any, but you need to be aware that there are severe limitations with straight past performance figures. Consistency is what you should be looking for. Any manager can have a good month – or even year – on the back of one or two lucky guesses. Producing consistently strong returns is an indication – although by no means proof – that a manager is not relying solely on good fortune.

But straight past performance figures alone will not tell you which managers have achieved strong returns through big bets on a few lucky stocks. For this, you need to look at risk-adjusted returns. One good measure is a fund’s Sharpe ratio, which measures its annualised return in excess of a risk-free rate (usually cash) and adjusts for volatility. The Sharpe ratio indicates whether a fund only achieved high returns by making desperate gambles: the higher the ratio, the better the fund’s historical risk-adjusted performance.

Also look at a fund’s alpha – the amount by which it has outperformed its benchmark, taking into account its exposure to market risk – and beta, its sensitivity to market movements. (These, along with past performance figures, can be found at sites such as www.funds-sp.com and www.riskgrades.com)

Managers Can Make A Difference

But don’t just look at performance data. Managers of 65% of funds in the UK have moved jobs in the past three years, so it’s important you look at the personal record of the individual manager. There is no point investing in a fund that has outperformed its peers if somebody else achieved that out-performance.

Buying a fund that has had the same manager in place for many years is often a good idea. But, equally, a start-up fund run by an experienced manager who has demonstrated loyalty to previous employers can be a potent mix. A desire to prove ones’ self, combined with a small portfolio with holdings that can be changed relatively quickly, often produces strong returns. By contrast, a manager with a portfolio of many hundreds of millions of pounds can find it hard to take advantage of short-term market opportunities.

Some firms impose a rigorous house style on their managers; others have less stringent risk-control measures in place and prefer to give individuals more freedom to indulge their stock-picking skills. Either way, you need to understand what you’re investing in.

Also, remember that some managers’ styles will suit certain market conditions. For example, a value manager who invests in more defensive stocks should have outperformed a more aggressive growth manager over the past three years. If the market rally continues, though, it is the growth manager that should outperform, regardless of whether he or she is a better stock-picker. Skill, then, is taken out of the equation. You want a fund manager who can adapt to prevailing market conditions, or at least to know how your fund will perform when markets shift.

This is why you must understand the investment process of the manager. Only by knowing what the manager is trying to achieve can you put his or her performance into context. This information can be a little tricky to extract from a fund management house. All have fund fact sheets posted on their websites, but invariably the stated investment objective is generic to the point of being vacuous.

If you cannot find what you are looking for elsewhere on a manager’s website, don’t be afraid to contact the management house directly to get a properly defined objective or more specific performance targets. The overall quality of fund manager websites varies enormously – although many can be quite slow.

Finally, check that the charges on any potential fund are not unduly out of line with its competitors. In terms of annual fees, you should not be paying more than 1~1.5%. Anything less is a bonus.


Personal Directions: “All the world’s a stage”

By Christina Dodd,
founder and managing director of Asia Training Associates

Eleanor Roosevelt was a shy young girl who was terrified at the thought of speaking in public. But with each passing year, she grew in confidence and self-esteem. She once said, “No one can make you feel inferior, unless you agree with it.”

These are valuable words to the ears of those of us who are always at the front end of the audience, and I don’t mean in the front row, but standing up there in the spotlight. Well, there may not always be a spotlight, but there are always hundreds of eyes and hundreds of ears watching every movement and listening to every word.

Today I am going to include in this article some pointers for those of you who are “presenters” either in the public arena or in the office meeting room, or at your local club. Presenting, for some, can be a daunting task and there are a few key elements to the art of presentation that we will look at.

First up let’s take a look at
 The Voice. The voice is probably the most valuable tool of the presenter. It carries most of the content that the audience takes away. One of the oddities of speech is that we can easily tell others what is wrong with their voice, e.g. too fast, too high, too soft, etc., but we have trouble listening to and changing our own voices.

There are four main terms used for defining vocal qualities:

Volume: How loud the sound is. The goal is to be heard without shouting. Good speakers lower their voice to draw the audience in, and raise it to make a point.

Tone: The characteristics of a sound. An airplane has a different sound than leaves being rustled by the wind. A voice that carries fear can frighten the audience, while a voice that carries laughter can get the audience to smile.

Pitch: How high or low a note is.

Pace: This is how long a sound lasts. Talking too fast causes the words and syllables to be short, while talking slowly lengthens them. Varying the pace helps to maintain the audience’s interest.

Colour: Both projection and tone variance can be practiced by taking the line, “This new policy is going to be exciting” and saying it first with surprise, then with irony, then with grief, and finally with anger. The key is to over-act. Remember Shakespeare’s words, “All the world’s a stage”; well, presentations are the opening night on Broadway!

There are two good methods for improving your voice:

1. Listen to it! Practice listening to your voice while at home, driving, walking, etc. Then when you are at work or in the company of others, monitor your voice to see if you are using it how you want to.

2. To really listen to your voice, cup your right hand around your right ear and gently pull the ear forward. Next, cup your left hand around your mouth and direct the sound straight into your ear. This helps you to really hear your voice as others hear it ... and it might be completely different from the voice you thought it was! Now practice moderating your voice.

The Body

Your body communicates different impressions to the audience. People not only listen to you, they also watch you. Slouching tells them you are indifferent or you do not care, even though you might care a great deal! On the other hand, displaying good posture tells your audience that you know what you are doing and you care deeply about it. Also, good posture helps you to speak more clearly and effectively.

Throughout your presentation you should display:

Eye contact. This helps to regulate the flow of communication. It signals interest in others and increase the speaker’s credibility. Speakers who make eye contact open the flow of communication and convey interest, concern, warmth and credibility.

Facial Expressions. Smiling is a powerful cue that transmits happiness, friendliness, warmth and liking. Smiling is often contagious and others will react favourably. They will be more comfortable round you and will want to listen more.

Gestures. If you fail to gesture while speaking you may be perceived as boring and stiff. A lively speaking style captures attention, makes the material more interesting, and facilitates understanding.

Posture and body orientation. You communicate numerous messages by the way you talk and move. Standing erect and leaning forward communicates that you are approachable, receptive and friendly. Interpersonal closeness results when you and your audience face each other. Speaking with your back turned communicates disinterest.

Proximity. Cultural norms dictate a comfortable distance for interaction with others. You should look for signals of discomfort caused by invading other’s space.

Vary your voice. One of the major criticisms of speakers is that they speak in a monotone voice. Listeners perceive this type of speaker as boring and dull. People report that they learn less and lose interest more quickly when listening to those who have not learned to modulate their voices.

Nerves

The main enemy of a presenter is tension, which ruins the voice, posture, and spontaneity. The voice becomes higher as the throat tenses. Shoulders tighten up and limit flexibility while the legs start to shake and cause unsteadiness. The presentation becomes “canned” as the speaker locks in on the notes and starts to read directly from them.

Do not fight nerves, welcome them! Then you can get on with the presentation instead of focusing on being nervous. Actors recognize the value of nerves ... they add to the value of the performance. This is because adrenaline starts to kick in. It’s a leftover from our ancestor’s “fight or flight” syndrome. If you welcome nerves, then the presentation becomes a challenge and you become better. If you let your nerves take over, then you go into the flight mode by withdrawing from the audience. Again welcome your nerves, recognize them, let them help you gain that needed edge! When you feel tension and anxiety, remember that everyone gets them, but the winners use them to their advantage, while the losers get overwhelmed by them.

For more information on our Presentation Skills programs contact me at Chris [email protected] ciates.com or visit our website at www.atasiam.com

Until next time, have a great week!


The Doctor's Consultation: Kissing - a fatal attraction?

by Dr. Iain Corness

Eskimos kiss by rubbing noses they tell me, and I have to accept this as true, as I have never been romantically involved with anyone in sealskins. Thais kiss by placing the closed lips on the partner and sniffing. This I do know is true, though initially I was worried that the reason for the ‘strange’ behaviour was that I might have had bad breath. Both of the above methods of showing affection are not dangerous, but the Western version of the kiss can (in rare cases) actually be fatal.

The disease in question was even known once as the “Kissing Disease”, but these days is known by the more technical name of Infectious Mononucleosis or the Mononucleosis syndrome. This is another of those ailments sent to plague us (no pun intended) in which the infecting agent is a virus, in this case the Epstein-Barr Virus, usually referred to as EBV, since we medico’s like acronyms.

The EBV is an interesting little fellow and it is everywhere. The latest figures I have to hand show that it infects more than 90 percent of the world’s population, but most people do not show any symptoms from it. Puzzling! The most common presentation of illness from the EBV was first described in the 1800’s, when it was called Glandular Fever.

Another puzzling fact is that those people who contact EBV while children usually have no symptoms, but more than 60 percent of young adults who meet the virus will go down with it. More puzzling! However, we are at least smart enough to work out where the virus lives - and that’s in saliva. Hence the connection between kissing and Infectious Mononucleosis. (I was tempted to call it the French Connection, but not everyone is old enough to remember the Gene Hackman movie!)

The clinical symptoms are sore throat, running a fever and enlarged lymph glands all over. Most sufferers also have fatigue and muscle aches as well, while about 10 percent have a rash to go with it. Other more serious symptoms can include enlargement of the spleen and the liver, and swelling in the throat that can be so severe the patient can end up in intensive care. The virus can also run rampant and produce an infection in the heart muscle and attack the lungs, but these are rare, yet very important, complications.

While your doctor can have clinical suspicions about it, the final proof comes in the blood tests which show abnormal cells and these days there is also a specific test for EBV to clinch the diagnosis. The problem is that the condition can be mimicked by a bacterial infection in the throat, and sometimes you can get both EBV and the bacterium.

So what is the treatment? Unfortunately, like most viral conditions there is no specific treatment just for EBV, but the treatment is directed at getting over the complications of Infectious Mononucleosis. Amoxycillin, the common antibiotic that you all self-medicate with, is contraindicated in the treatment as it provokes the onset of the rash. 90 percent of those with Infectious Mononucleosis who take Amoxycillin end up with the rash! See your doctor is the answer!

While the condition lasts between four to eight weeks, the after effects and fatigue can last for some months. The virus is also still present, so it is also a case of finding an Eskimo or Thai friend to kiss for a while!


Agony Column

Dear Hillary,
I’m in a terrible amount of trouble. You see, I finally succumbed to the advances of a Thai woman, who I would have described as lovely and nice until quite recently. We saw each other for a few months, traveled about a bit, and generally had a comfortable time together. She never asked me to support her ailing mother or the village buffalo, and I thought she also enjoyed our relationship. Then I broke it off as it became a little bit tiresome. Well, Hillary, that’s when it happened. She’s threatening to go to my house and tell my wife! Can you imagine the nerve? What should I do? What is it with these women? They make themselves so available and are so charming, then try to destroy a person’s life!
Desperate and no longer,
Hot in Chiang Mai

Dear No Longer Hot in Chiang Mai,
As you say, the nerve of the little hussy! In this type of situation the only form of defense is to attack, my Petal. Do not take this lying down - in fact it has been this lying down routine of yours that brought all this trouble on your poor innocent head to begin with. Retaliate! Threaten to tell her pimp that she has been hiding her real income! You will be able to find him by asking any of the tuk-tuk drivers in your area - they all know each other. Of course it is difficult to be really sorry for you. You brought all this on your head by starting the relationship and then sealed your fate by breaking off the relationship. Silly Boy!
Hillary, ma petite,
A cryptic text message from wee Ying - ‘At sea, where bar?’ I can only assume that she means ‘where choccy bar?’ Speaking of choccy, it seems to me that the best way to ensure a safe and refrigerated delivery of your Mars bar is to entrust the business to hoary old Santa. All you have to do is suspend a nice clean pair of your fishnets either side of your flue and you should be orgasmically surprised, come Xmas. Provided, of course, that Santa is not misdirected to the address of your impersonator or cardboard cutout who is putting on the agony and putting on the style in the Chiangmai Mail.
Mistersingha, cum Nit.

Dear Mistersingha, cum Nit,
After fixing up your punctuation, so that the letter was not rejected by the typesetters, I am afraid I have to once again (yet again!) take you to task. You promised me the chocolate bars (plural - that means more than one, Petal) many months ago. Now you are trying to tell me that it (singular - that means one) will be in my Xmas stockings (a pair means two, Turtle Dove). Not good enough. One into two does not go. Elementary mathematics that even you should be able to grasp. Finally to try and blame the whole thing on some young sweet and innocent Thai ladies is just too much. Consider this as my last demand note. If there are no chocolate bars forthcoming you will hear from my solicitors. You may send to either of my newspaper columns. Finally, while I am impressed that you are attempting to show off your prowess in French, I am neither petite nor yours.
Dear Hillary,
A friend of mine is getting very tired of the ladies he meets in the bars, who only seem to be interested in money. They stay with him for a few weeks, and when he hasn’t coughed up the money for whatever they want, they move on to find another sucker who will. He has asked me where can he go to find a better class of lady in Thailand, or are they all like this. He has heard about introduction agencies. Are they worthwhile? I can’t help him because I’m not that way inclined, if you get my drift.
Helping a Mate

Dear Helping a Mate,
What is wrong with you men these days? Your friend claims the girls he meets seem only interested in money - but what is the only thing your friend seems interested in? Why does he have them living with him? To learn how to eat som tum? How about meeting the girl of his dreams the same way he would in his own country? Go to places where ‘nice’ girls go. Join groups where ‘nice’ girls go. Meet eligible ladies at parties, social gatherings, art exhibitions. He will find that these are ladies who appreciate a gentleman, but will also not race off to bed on the first date. As has been pointed out many times - you get what you pay for, Petal.
Dear Hillary,
Every month there appears to be some sort of public holiday in Thailand as well as the western ones. The office girl is forever doing something for another “Buddha Day” and rolling up late. Have you any suggestions as to how I can work out when the next holiday is due?
Confused

Dear Confused,
Have you ever thought of looking at a Thai calendar, my Petal? The holidays are marked on them! I don’t know, you men appear to be getting more dense by the day. Now send chocolates before I get annoyed!


Camera Class: Polarize for pictures with punch!

by Harry Flashman

While many keen photographers have a good stock of filters, there is one that every photographer should own - and that is the polarizer. There is no other filter that can make such a difference to your final pictures, especially in the bright sun of Thailand. Once you become used to polarized effects, you will want to leave the filter screwed on the end of your lenses forever!

These filters are different from most others in the fact that they are made up of two distinct elements. There is an outer ring that rotates the outer “glass” relative to the inner element. This increases or reduces the degree of polarization to allow the photographer an endless range of polarized effects from one filter.

The principal behind these filters is to remove reflections, and funnily enough it is reflections that take the colour out of colour photography. Look at the surface of a swimming pool, for example - a shiny white, non-transparent surface. Now look through a polarizing filter and you can see right down to the tiles on the bottom of the pool. And the people frolicking in the pool!

What you have to understand now is that these filters remove reflections from any surface, not just water. The reason you cannot see through some normally transparent windows is because of reflected images on the surface of the glass. The reason some tree leaves appear to lose their colour is through reflected light from the sky above.

One of the traps for young photographers is that because you know the grass is green, you see it as green when you look through the camera lens - even though it is not truly green, caused by reflections. Look again at the scene in the viewfinder. The green grass is really a mixture of green and silvery reflections, dark shadows and pale green shoots. Put the polarizing filter on the lens and slowly rotate the outer ring. Suddenly the silvery reflections disappear and become a deep, solid green colour. The grass is now made up of green, dark green and pale green. This green will really leap out at you and smack you fair between the eyes!

Your next beach scene when taken with a polarizer will really amaze you. Again, slowly rotate the outer ring on the polarizer. Look critically through the viewfinder and you will see the sky take on a much deeper colour to highlight the white clouds. Keep turning that outer ring and the sea will change to a deep blue to green luminescent hue. The end result is at your command. Try taking the same shot this weekend, but with varying degrees of polarization and see the differences in the final prints.

Another shot to try with or without polarization is photographing a reflective, shiny object like your family car. Again, by looking critically through the viewfinder you will see what happens when you remove the reflections from the paintwork.

So, if the polarizer is such a wonderful bit of gear, why do we not make it a standard piece of equipment on all cameras? Well, like everything, there is a downside as well as the upside. In the case of the polarizer it does its bit of brilliance at the expense of the amount of light that gets through to the film. With most polarizing filters you will lose about one and a half stops of light. What this means is that the shutter speed will be at least twice as long to record the same scene, or that the aperture will have to be twice the size. This means that you are more likely to get camera shake effects and suffer from lack of depth of field when using the polarizer. Another drawback is that the light drop to the film upsets your flash settings, so compensation has to be made for night shots.

However, if you haven’t got one - get one this weekend and see the full-bodied difference a polarizer can make!


Dr Byte's Computer Conundrums

Dear Reader;
Most of us lead lives awash in personal technology. Mobile / cell phones, computers, note books, PDA’s, software, DVD, VCD, and of course the Internet.

My life is crowded with this stuff partly because of what I do. But my love affair with things hi-tech began long before I bought my first computer back in 1987.

I must have spent thousands of dollars on my love affairs. Before the advent of cell phone technology, I was using CB UHF radio to keep in touch with the kids at home. My first mobile phone was a Motorola that weighed at least 100kg (joking - but it was very heavy). I have spent hundreds to own and use stuff that was, in retrospect, ahead of its time and mine, too. I wasted my money on it and, I confess, on a lot of other needless, premature, or poorly conceived products.

Perhaps it’s because these are hard times and budgets are spare, but I’m holding the tech in my life to a new standard. Last week, I asked myself a question and now I’m asking you:

Which technologies and products do you use - really use - to the extent that it would honestly pain you to be without them?

I have three items that meet this test. The first is my generic brand notebook computer which I bought in Hong Kong 2 years ago. I carry it everywhere and it allows me to keep in touch, schedule my day and make presentations, read the newspapers from home, the UK, USA and of course here in Chiang Mai.

The second is the Web and, by connection (no pun intended), the fast ADSL connection which usually keeps us connected at amazing speed. We all get tons of use out of the Web, thanks to our speedy, usually on connection.

Third is my mobile phone, great great great grandson of Motorola is now a Samsung which weighs about 5gms, runs for up to a week without recharging and keeps me in touch with everyone wherever I happen to be.

I asked a friend in Australia and he commented: “Yahoo’s instant-messaging service (aka YM). Never lose touch with family and friends.” A client in Oregon USA says, “YM. I am always able to get a hold of my team and Citec Asia when I need to.” By the way, Yahoo Instant Messenger is free. A friend here in Chiang Mai says, “The Skype technology which allows him to make really cheap phone calls to anyone in the world from his PC is what he would miss most.”

Now that you’ve heard from some of my contacts and what I think, I’d like to hear from you. Tell me which products or technologies, in your experience, have stood the test of time and rigors of real-life use. Remember, these things don’t have to be expensive, cutting edge, or even all that high tech. You can submit your suggestions directly to me at Chiangmai Mail.

With your help, I’ll compile a list of the 10 most truly useful things in personal technology. Maybe it’ll help us all choose and use technology more productively.

Now a reader writes:
Dear Dr Byte
Can I make my web searches more effective and efficient?
Newsreader,
Sansai

A. You might think my professional life involves the endless downloading and evaluation of software. And it does up to a point. But that’s only part of my job. I also have to research the software I review and for that I use the Internet and search the web.

I used to just use Google for my research, but recently I started using meta-search software instead. These tools run my keywords through a number of different Web search engines, so I get a broader array of results. Even more importantly, they organize and save my results, something the average search engine isn’t particularly good at.

Here are the three best meta-search tools I’ve found

Copernic Agent lets you customize its interface and integrates well with Internet Explorer. It also allows you to search within predefined categories, so you only query engines most likely to give you the right results. (Free/Windows)

FirstStop WebSearch Standard Edition emphasizes speed, allowing you to conduct searches in record time. This is great when I have an impending deadline. FirstStop also does a particularly good job of organizing and saving your results. (Free/Windows)

Watson doesn’t quite fit the meta-search profile, but Mac users already have the Sherlock search tool built into Mac OS. Watson lets you look for specific types of information, such as movie times, stock quotes, and telephone numbers, without resorting to a Web browser. (Shareware/Windows)

So there you have it. By the way, try a search on Google for these tools. If you have any tips that you’d like to share, or any questions about your internet or pc experience, contact me: Dr Byte, Chiangmai Mail.


Mrs. DoLittle’s Corner: Roping in the raging bulls - yee haw!

Well, here I was thinking that SIZE DOESN’T MATTER, when a 500 kilo bull ran into me and knocked that concept off its feet. Having only sex on his mind and being huge definitely did matter, especially when there’s no button to switch on the brain to bring back the sanity. What I walked in to witness at the bovine sanctuary was complete madness, complete lack of control, chaos. A cow was in heat and every male, human and bovine was chasing her around the compound. Talk about getting caught in the rush hour!

Defeated by a woman with a rope, BabaJay Boy Boy has sowed his last wild oats. After losing his manhood this week, his fertility becomes a strong symbol for the herd, having sired twelve calves in one year.

The poor cow was frantically trying to get away from the hot pursuit. All the bulls were starting to fight. Staff ran off in all directions. Of course the cow was pointed at as being the problem.

But the way I saw it, we had to deal with the real problem, four head ramming raging bulls. The staff didn’t seem to understand that they need not fear the bulls, the beasts only had eyes for the female, or should I say nose? You just don’t want to get in their way, that’s all. I told the staff just to run out there alongside them, throw a lasso over one’s head and rope him onto a tree.

“Hurry up; it’s easy for heaven’s sake! What are you hesitating for, go...! Show you? I have to show you? What? I don’t believe this!”

Can you imagine Mrs. DoLittle had to get out there and rope in those bulls herself! Well, I tell you after that experience I had a different attitude about letting our desires run free. There is nothing uglier than a raging bull. He has no morals. He will trample anyone who gets in his way of getting what he wants, no matter what the cost!

Our bulls periodically lose their minds, which is a fact! Well this time they lost the whole ball game!

Our ‘holy bulls’ who will be allowed to live out their lives in full are extremely lucky. Had they stayed with farmers, they would be slaughtered when still juvenile. Milk cows get their sons taken away at birth. They go on the milk truck to be sold as BBQ meat along the roadside in North Thailand. They die on their first or second day in the world. The mother calls for the baby for many days. Such is the milk and meat business. Cruelty beyond words! So lucky our animals are never to have to face the trauma of slaughter.

But, order we must have and so the boys must get neutered! The vet will come and knock them out with a bovine sleep cocktail. Whilst they’re dreaming about the swaying grasslands, the villagers will be frying sweet bread! Yes, our boys may become high-pitched bellowers. I hope this doesn’t attract any ‘koi toey’ bulls from the neighborhood. We have enough problems as it is!

The morale of this story is: If you end up with ‘tails’ - flip the coin!