The Doctor's Consultation:
by Dr. Iain Corness
Erectile Dysfunction - or diagnostic dysfunction?
Judging by the number of signs
outside small medical clinics, Erectile Dysfunction, or ED, must be very
prevalent in Thailand. The sign usually indicates the treatment as well,
take your choice from Viagra, Cialis or Levitra. It’s all there on the sign.
Salvation is through this clinic’s doors. Hallelujah, ED has been conquered,
just like we did with smallpox all those years ago.
I used to have a very old cat. Didn’t do much, just slept under the back
stairs most of the day. Got up a couple of times for a pee and something to
eat and then went back to sleep again. But that cat was a hell-raiser in his
heyday. No female tabby cat was safe with him around.
So what has that to do with ED, I hear you ask? I would suggest -
everything! You see, I believe that lots of males out there get this ED
label hung around their necks, until they begin to believe it. Somehow, this
fit young virile 50 year old suddenly gets this disease called ED when in
his 60’s. Where did this disease come from? Why did he get it? And how do
the rest of you make sure you don’t get it either?
Before we get too much further into this, I want you to think back to when
you were in your late teens, early twenties. You could run 100 meters in
well under 13 seconds. Now you probably can’t run that distance at all, let
alone clock 13 seconds for it. Is this a new disease? Should we call it “Leg
Dysfunction”, or LD for short?
When you were in your twenties, you had no problems reading the newspaper,
but by the time you were 40, it was becoming a bit of a problem. By the time
you were 60, you really had problems with distance vision as well as
reading. We should probably call this Visual Dysfunction, but the initials
VD have already been taken, so let’s call it Focussing Dysfunction, or FD
In your twenties you probably didn’t have any problems with the erectile
thingy either. In fact, it was probably overactive. But as you got older,
the frequency and intensity began to slow up somewhat. By the time you were
60 you were told you had this terrible disease - ED. But what’s the
difference between LD, FD and ED?
I would suggest to you that there is no difference. I made up LD and FD,
because neither is a true “dysfunction”, but just the natural aging that
occurs. Likewise, I would suggest that ED is not a true “dysfunction” when
it occurs later in life. It is just part of the natural aging process too.
So all you 60 and 70 year olds (and older) who have been given the label ED,
just throw it away. You haven’t got a dysfunctional disease. You’re just
growing older, like my cat.
Now there are a few differences from Mr. Tom Cat and Mr. Tom Expat. Sex is
not just procreational, it is recreational, and is something about which we
have built up great mystique. We judge ourselves on our horizontal
abilities, rather than our intellectual achievements. Those with younger
wives feel that they are letting the side down (or something else) if they
cannot rise to the occasion (sorry about that) every night, or every second
night, or every “whenever” that you have decided “homework” should be done.
So what should be done about it? Well, first off, the Viagra, Cialis, etc.,
do work for the majority of the older chaps. But they open up much more than
just the door to the bedroom, they open you up to physical exercise (I was
going to say “viagorous” exercise, but Ms. Hillary stole that line) for
which your body might not be fit enough. This is why these medications
should only be taken after examination by a doctor, to ensure your general
level of fitness is good enough. Homework shouldn’t become work for the
Talk to your doctor and get a good check-up first!
Heart to Heart
Always looking forward to your weekly dose of humor. I am asking for
your help today! I am suffering of Coeliac’s Disease and am required to
stick to a gluten free diet. Would you or any of your readers have any
feedback on availability of corn bread, rice bread or further products
that would compliment my gluten free diet here in Pattaya? Any help is
much appreciated... Please write to: [email protected] Regards
I don’t know why you would think I would know where you can get corn
bread from, my Petal, all I know are the stores that sell French
champagne and Belgian chocolates. Whether the odd blast of bubbly is
good for your disease I don’t know either. I hope someone can point you
in the right direction of the suppliers and give you a push. Beyond me.
(At least you didn’t want your motorcycle fixing!)
I’m an 82 year old Englishman new to Pattaya, rather naïve in respect of
the local ladies even though fairly versed after advice from two good
friends of mine, namely Nairod and Dorian who said to contact your good
self to sort out any misunderstandings should they occur? As you will
note from my address, I have found good lodgings in Soi 6 where I’ve
befriended a very sweet young lady who’s graceful tall willowy figure
wouldn’t look amiss on any Paris catwalk. Her employment, she informs
me, that along with a hundred or so of her Soi 6 friends, is doing a
traffic survey for the council in that particular soi. Now my question
Hillary is that she’s asked me for a few thousand baht loan for surgery
to remove two swellings on her anatomy which she declines to talk in
detail about. I have noticed one on her throat and one that strangely
undulates beneath her costume when we’re frolicking on the beach, the
latter she’s so shy about that we’ve yet to get truly intimate. So,
should I make her this loan or wait for Nairod’s advice when he arrives
shortly? Oh yes, he asked me to inform you of his coming in order that
you can organize his pitch outside your office. He’s hinted that there’s
something going between you two and gets so excited when talking about
you that his teeth fall out. Oh, and he thinks he’ll go up in your
esteem when you know that his recent lodgings on Dartmoor UK, were full
board and quite similar to Pattaya, having many bars.
What an epistle from an 82 year old, laboriously hand typed on what was
probably an 82 year old Remington typewriter! Goodness me, can’t your
so-called friends Nairod and Dorian show you how to send an email from
the internet shop on Soi 6?
I am so glad you have found an honest girl on that soi too, doing such
an important job there as well. I would imagine that it is quite
dangerous, as she would have to stop the traffic to be able to count it,
and that would require getting right into the roadway in front of
drivers who might not be giving their full attention to driving, there
being many distractions on both sides of the street.
As regards the money for the lumps. This is difficult, my Petal. Very
difficult. Perhaps you could help the undulating one beneath the costume
by suggesting tighter knickers. Just a thought. I would really suggest
that you try and get the money out of Dorian. Nairod’s a dead loss. But
please tell him I have the ideal pitch for him. The center of the
Sukhumvit and Central Road intersection. He could do some traffic
surveys, right from his camp stretcher. With even more luck, he could
get run over.
You have probably heard this hundreds of times but I hope you may be
able to help me in this problem I have. On my last trip I fell in love
with a most beautiful girl from a bar and against all the advice given
by “old hands” I gave her money to buy a house, which had to be in her
name as it could not be done in mine. I had to do everything quickly as
I was only here for three weeks. At the first opportunity to return for
a quick trip I went to surprise her and found out that she was living
there with some German guy and had been for some time! Should I ask her
to return the money? I feel totally cheated and I think it will be some
time before I fall in love again, especially with a Thai girl.
Dear Cheated Charlie,
You must really stop and take this opportunity to decide just who
cheated who, here. You were here for three weeks and bought some girl
you did not really know, a house? Is this reasonable behavior? You threw
your money away, my Petal. She did not rob you - you robbed yourself.
Next time, think twice, or in your case, think two hundred times.
Perhaps you might even listen to the old hands too. Sorry, Charlie, but
you had it coming. Don’t bother asking her for the money. You could try
the German guy, but it’s a slim chance.
Camera Class: by
10 Tips - often painfully acquired!
wrote down these tips many years ago. Since then, I have been
asked many times to give out the “secrets” you learn in the
professional photography arena. There are really no secrets,
they are all here. The secrets come after painful experiences
and here are my (still) top 10 tips for a happy photographic
life! I should add that all these tips come from real life
experiences which have happened to myself and other pro
shooters. None of it is made up. These days, references to
“film” are probably not as applicable as they once were, but you
can substitute “memory stick” or “memory card” instead.
Tip number 1. When going on holidays with your camera, take
spare batteries with you - always. No matter how new the
batteries, if there is a failure while you are trekking in
Nepal, or just lazing on the beaches in Koh Chang you will not
be able to get the correct replacement. That’s as sure as God
made little green apples as the song goes. Remember that your
camera may also use more than one type of battery, another trap
for young players.
Tip number 2. Always carry one more memory stick or roll of film
than you think you’ll need when on holidays. The shot of a
lifetime will appear and you will have already used all your
film. And don’t use the one you’ve suddenly found in the bag -
see Tip number 3. Likewise, you haven’t got the time to sit
there going ‘review-delete-review-delete’ with your digital.
Tip number 3. When you find a roll of film in your camera bag or
suitcase that you’d completely forgotten about, use it to throw
at predatory puppies, rather than using it in your camera. You
can be guaranteed the results will be no good at all. The
colours will be all wrong because the film has been hot at some
time or exposed to airport irradiation. No matter how tempting
it is to slip it into the camera when you urgently need another
roll of film, don’t do it! You will be disappointed. Guaranteed.
Tip number 4. Always check that the camera neck strap is indeed
tight and secure on both ends. If one end lets go, the camera
will hit the ground before you have time enough to react.
Cameras do not bounce well, if at all.
Tip number 5. Frequently check the exposure controls on your
camera, that they really are set on Auto, or Shutter priority or
what have you. It is very easy to knock the controls and
settings when taking the camera in and out of the bag, or even
when it has been hanging round your neck.
Tip number 6. When you get the book of prints back, and the
envelope with the negatives from the photo shop, or the CD with
the images, immediately write on them the subject material of
the shots and the date. Do this with black texta pen so it
doesn’t rub off and you will have saved yourself hours of work,
flicking through books of prints and CDs, while looking for
“Solomon Islands 1998”.
Tip number 7. Never keep your camera in the glove box of your
car. With the temperatures that can be reached in the cubby hole
reaching as high as 50 degrees Celsius in our blazing summers,
at best the film is spoiled, at worst, the camera is spoiled.
The newer “plastic” bodied cameras and camera backs can actually
warp with the high temperature.
Tip number 8. When you decide that you want an enlargement made
of one particular shot, arrange for it straight away, while you
still have the negative or CD handy, and before it gets covered
in dust and scratched, making it impossible to get a decent
enlargement. And before it gets lost.
Tip number 9. Always put spare memory sticks or cards back in
their plastic containers, and keep them in the camera bag. I
even suggest you tie them in place, so they don’t get lost. When
you need it in a hurry, it has to be accessible.
Tip number 10. When shooting kids, get down to their level.
You’ll get a better shot!
Money Matters: Graham
Macdonald MBMG International Ltd.
It’s enough to turn you green - Part 3
DuPont, the chemicals company, estimates that it has
saved $3bn in energy costs since 1990 through measures such as using methane
emitted from landfill sites to power its industrial boilers. Wal-Mart saved
$25m a year and 100,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide emissions by fitting
auxiliary engines to trucks for use when they idle at rest stops. Wal-Mart
also has a solar energy vision to make its stores 100% energy independent.
Jupiter’s Green Investments Trust PLC’s Charlie Thomas estimates that
Wal-Mart is likely to result in the largest single corporate solar
installation in history with demand for solar modules to produce roughly 4
G-watts of energy. With annual global demand for solar modules currently
running at 12-15 G-watts and only enough supply for 6 G-watts, Wal-Mart’s
ambitions are likely to exacerbate the supply/demand imbalance.
If the only reason to go green was to look good, the
world would be in trouble. Happily, there are profits to be made too. Mr.
Bush may not see the appeal of laws to stop global warming, but the market
and consumers are sending a different signal.
Where and how does one invest in those companies that are attempting to slow
down the growth in global warming?
The review of the economics of climate change by Sir Nicholas Stern, the
former Chief Economist of the World Bank, has been hailed as the most
comprehensive study of the subject ever undertaken. The key premise of his
report is that the benefits of strong early action on climate change
outweigh the costs. If we are fortunate, the world might escape with a 5
percent fall in global GDP and millions of deaths from the economic impact
of climate change. If we are not so lucky, there could be a 20 percent drop
in global GDP, mass starvation and hundreds of millions of deaths.
The Stern Review reinforces the critical role of water in relation to the
potential effects of climate change. The other obvious winners are those in
renewable energy and in the capture of carbon and storage. The latter has
the potential to significantly reduce emissions from fossil fuel power
generation and is likely to prove a critical technology in global carbon
reduction strategies, particularly for developing countries with fast
growing economies and rapidly growing fossil fuel consumption.
Some important markets will be created as we struggle to adapt. These are
likely to include markets in managing higher temperatures, especially in
major cities where there is a need to cope with the magnified “urban heat
island” effect; in dealing with vector born diseases such as malaria, which
could become more widespread; in flood defences; in new methods of food
production and so on.
While the evidence is mounting, it is encouraging to note that millions are
invested in tackling climate change through the use of clean energy.
Calculations suggest that global expenditure on curbing the effects of
climate change could be $1,000bn within five years.
Green investing isn’t such a lonely pursuit anymore. Society is placing a
greater emphasis on renewable energy sources and technologies to limit
greenhouse gas emissions. Witness Al Gore’s conquering hero status at this
year’s Oscar awards as he picked up a statuette for his climate change
documentary ‘An Inconvenient Truth’, there is increasing attention paid to
Lehman Bros., with input from analysts in London and Tokyo, recently
published a 143-page paper, “The Business of Climate Change”. The well-being
of the planet, the report concludes, has gone from a “fringe concern” of
scientists and activists to a “central topic” for CEOs and investors.
Discussions about what interest rates mean for stocks are giving way to
chatter about what a 1 degree rise each year in temperature would do to
profits at businesses ranging from carmakers to solar companies.
“Global warming is likely to prove (to be) one of those tectonic forces that
- like globalization or the aging of populations - gradually but powerfully
changes the economic landscape,” writes John Llewellyn, senior economic
policy adviser at Lehman.
Also California’s Calpers, America’s largest public pension plan and
considered a trendsetter among giant money managers, is committing $800
million to invest in clean technology in emerging markets of Eastern Europe,
Latin America and Asia.
“We are approaching a tipping point when it comes to climate change,” says
Edward Kerschner, a strategist at Citigroup.
From an investors’ standpoint, it doesn’t matter if people believe global
warming is real or if greenhouse gases are to blame, Kerschner says. What
does matter is if consumers, regulators, governments and corporations “react
to the perceived threat.” That is what creates investment opportunities -
and risks, he says.
Unfortunately for investors, mainstream enthusiasm for green companies
doesn’t always translate into the green that lines wallets. But green is a
term that’s open to interpretation. Take General Electric, although the
conglomerate has a leading position in green energy like wind power, some of
its operations infuriate environmentalists. Meanwhile, small pure-play
companies can’t turn a profit. Wading into the green pool, investors may
find it safer to play diversified indexes, mutual funds or fund of funds
rather than pick out the eventual winners in a crowded field.
The above data and research was compiled from sources believed to be
reliable. However, neither MBMG International Ltd nor its officers can accept
any liability for any errors or omissions in the above article nor bear any
responsibility for any losses achieved as a result of any actions taken or not
taken as a consequence of reading the above article. For more information please
contact Graham Macdonald on [email protected]
Films on DVD for Rental in
Chiang Mai: Mr. I. Dewcritique
In terms of names, you have to agree that this film has strong demands on
your attention. Brock did the screenplay for The Last King of Scotland, and his
stars here are Rupert Grint [Harry Potter’s dear friend Ron Weasley], Julie
Walters [Educating Rita, Billy Elliot, Calendar Girls, Harry Potter (she is
Ron’s mother) as well as much else] and noted American actress Laura Linney [The
Squid and the Whale].
The plotline is very gentle and is centered on the growing up of Ben, the
character so ably played by Rupert Grint. Ben is the only son of the local vicar
in the plush London suburb of Hampstead. On account of both his own gawkiness
and the intensity of his religiously minded activist mother, he suffers even
more than most teenagers from the repressions and humiliations of adolescence.
Then Ben comes across a retired theatrical dame, once a well-known classical
actress, who is deeply aggrieved that she is more frequently remembered for
appearing in a soap opera she has nothing but loathing for. Dame Evie is now but
a shell of what she formerly was and has a serious drinking problem, but her
willfulness; occasional foul-mouthed outbursts and sense of fun are just what
Ben needs to break free from the restrictions and hypocrisies of vicarage life.
American viewers will be struck at how much gentler teenage angst and the
problems of aging actresses [think Sunset Boulevard] are among the English
middle class than they seem to be in Hollywood. In fact, the sheer Englishness
of this film may be a barrier to some. The comedy is very slight and depends on
English eccentricity [the vicar making bird calls] and reserve. For example, if
you don’t realize that the English are very quiet on public transport you will
not even understand how naughty and daring Dame Evie is when she talks loudly to
Ben on the bus! You also have to be willing to cope with quotations from
Renaissance poets. The quality which the film has in abundance is charm. Ben is
a very nice, slightly spaced-out boy trying to do his best. His relationship
with the older woman is charming, and their trip to Scotland full of sweet
moments. If you want loud laughs, excitement, drama and suspense, you will be
bored silly by this film. If you enjoy British films like The Calendar Girls,
Tea with Mussolini and Mrs Henderson Presents you will probably appreciate this
Thinking of Driving Lessons and some of the films I have just mentioned made me
realize how matriarchal British society has in many ways become. British women
long outlive their partners, parents are authority figures and usually trying to
bring up children and hold down jobs at the same time, so grandmothers are a
major and much-loved factor in many young people’s lives. And, of course, there
is the Queen, who has been there as long as most people can remember. Strong
older women [typified by Dame Judi Dench] fill the films listed above and you
can easily add Ladies in Lavender, Mrs Brown [about Queen Victoria; incidentally
also the work of Jeremy Brock], Shakespeare in Love, which would not be the same
without Elizabeth I, and now The Queen. One can learn quite a bit about a
country by watching its films.
Let's Go To The Movies:
Now playing in Chiang Mai
Call ahead to confirm as movie schedules are subject to change.
Major Cineplex Airport Plaza, Telephone: 053 283-939. Times usually change
Vista – Kadsuankaew, 4th Floor Kad Suan Kaew, Telephone: 053 894-415, Times
usually remain the same.
Vista – 12 Huaykaew, Across from Kad Suan Kaew, Telephone: 053 404-374,
Times usually remain the same for entire week. Warning: For at least the
last showing of the day, the actual starting time of the movie itself may be
up to 15 minutes ahead of the scheduled time.
Spider-Man 3: US Action/Adventure – If you like this sort of thing, you
should like this very much. I did not find it very compelling – maybe it’s
just me – except for the Sandman. I thought him a mythic character – an
infinitely sad and tragic creature, like “King Kong” and “The Hunchback of
Notre Dame,” doomed to do some awful things. I thought the awesome sequence
when he willed himself back into existence from individual grains of sand,
to be the best part of the movie. But submerged by the vast number of (to
me) boring scenes, poorly written and acted. Mixed or average reviews: 60/62
out of 100.
Pan’s Labyrinth: (Spanish/Subtitled in Thai and English) Mexico/Spain/US
Fantasy/Thriller – At Vista only.
I have seen this three times, and I’m saying it’s not to be missed. You owe
it to yourself to experience this film; you just might be tremendously
moved, and end up considering it one of the finest films ever made, as many
have. It shifts between a richly imagined fairy tale (not even remotely
intended for children), and a gritty, violent, and extraordinarily tense war
episode in the fascist nightmare of Franco’s Spain in 1944. The unbearable
reality causes the fantasy.
Do not take your young children to see this movie unless you want them to be
scarred for life. I have never seen a more deeply disturbing, profoundly
frightening creature than the Pale Man, with his removable eyes in the palms
of his hands. Rated R in the US for graphic violence, language. Reviews:
Universal acclaim: 98/85 out of 100.
Shooter: US Action/Drama – With Mark Wahlberg. For an action movie and
thriller, terrific! Very nicely acted by Wahlberg as a marksman involved in
a presidential assassination. Good dialogue and plot. Rated R in the US for
strong graphic violence, some language. Mixed or average reviews: 53/56 out
Disturbia: US Suspense/Thriller – Two teens begin to suspect that one of
their neighbors is a serial killer. Generally favorable reviews: 62/62 out
Wild Hogs: US Adventure/Comedy – Four middle-aged men decide to take a last
road trip on their bikes to escape from lives that are leading nowhere.
Phenomenally popular worldwide. Generally negative reviews: 27/38 out of
Train of the Dead (Ghost Train): Thai Horror – Five of your favorite Thai
teenagers (including a transvestite and a junky) rob a kindergarten, have a
terrible car accident fleeing from the crime, wake up dead but not aware of
it, and board a train with weird passengers heading for Hell.
Epic Movie: US Comedy – Movie parodies. Reviews: Extreme dislike or disgust:
17/22 out of 100.
Next: US Action/Sci-Fi – Nicholas Cage stars as a magician with an ability
that torments him: he can see a few minutes into the future. Mixed or
average reviews: 42/46 out of 100.
Pathfinder: US Action – Vikings in North America, and nearly100 percent
violence. Rated R in the US for strong brutal violence throughout. Generally
negative reviews: 29/35 out of 100.
Me…Myself (Khor Hai Rak Jong Jaroen): Thai Drama/Romance – Of interest for
Ananda Everingham, who gives a fascinating and subtle performance as an
amnesiac who falls for a young woman without remembering his true identity
as a gay cabaret singer.
A Millionaire’s First Love: (Thai-dubbed version only) South Korea Romance –
a simple love story from Korea. Spoiled rich kid has to graduate from rural
school to inherit family wealth, falls for rural girl.
Blood and Chocolate: US Horror – Werewolves. Generally negative reviews:
33/36 out of 100.
The Number 23: US Mystery – Jim Carrey as a man obsessed with a book that
appears to be based on his life, ends with a murder that has yet to happen.
Rated R in the US for violence, disturbing images, sexuality, and language.
Generally negative reviews: 24/35 out of 100.
Thursday, May 17
28 Weeks Later: UK Horror – This follow-up to the wildly successful
28 Days Later picks up six months after the rage virus has annihilated the
British Isles. Rated R in the US for strong violence and gore, language and
The Last Mimzy: US Adventure/Sci-Fi – Two kids find a bizarre box on the
beach and are soon exhibiting signs of genius in this gentle fantasy film.
Mixed or average reviews: 59/59 out of 100.
Life in the laugh lane:
Horror at home
A flash of lightning and thunderclap signals the launch of the air-borne
hordes. Flapping madly on their first sinister flight, a million creatures
leave their hidden haunts in the bamboo stand like the flying monkeys in the
Wizard of Oz, luckily headed away from my bungalow. I search for some weapon
and only find a can of Off insect spray, but they’re already off. This year
God threw the rainy season switch one morning and suddenly we’re in Wet
World: the Internet extended forecast says “scattered thunderstorms”
everyday until death. Besides the barrage of bugs, the green mold has
already begun to breed on the wooden table outside. I don’t even want to
know what’s going on under the bed. We eat in darkness before watching a
couple of “horror” movies rented to distract us from our own, but they
should have been in the “horrible” section.
neighbor, bad night with the ants?
I hear a scream as my mate enters the living room, now truly living with
thousands of winged ants scrambling on the floor, all substantial with some
major mothers that look ready to spew their spawn. Sweeping turns them into
a frenzied cloud. For an hour the battle rages against the homecoming troops
who have forsaken their home for ours. Great! We get to watch horror movies
while creatures crawl up our legs.
The Wicker Man is perhaps the worst movie ever made, starring (and
embarrassingly directed by) Nicolas Cage, who has delivered splendid
performances, but I don’t trust him anymore. To save you time and 19 baht,
here’s the gist. A motorcycle cop, Cage stops a car to return a doll dropped
out its window. An evil little girl throws it out again, but as Cop Case
retrieves it, a semi-truck smashes their car and turns it into an inferno, a
flashback scene we get to see 1,246 more times as the movie continually
grinds to a screeching halt. Upon hearing from his former fiancée, a
complete wacko living on a grim, remote island run by wicked women and their
mute men kept for “breeding,” he answers her call to help find her missing
child, who ends up being his daughter, the evil one from the car. Things
barely go bump in the night as the women get nastier until Cage starts
beating them up and yelling the F-word at the children. I just cannot
imagine him telling his friends, “You have to see my new movie. I got to
punch old women in the face.” Well, it’s finally ancient ritual time as he
is lured into the crowd of loonies wearing animal outfits; we hear the crack
of his legs; Cage is dragged to a three-story, man-shaped, wicker cage and
hauled up to its head by a rope attached to his broken legs; his daughter
sets fire to the cage and Cage screams his way into hell. Sweeping the ants
You should absolutely avoid White Noise starring another aging actor
grasping at the bottom of the barrel. The plot is incomprehensible and
mainly we get to watch Michael Keaton’s eyes squint as he also attempts to
understand it. His wife dies and he squints. A fat man with a bullfrog neck
demonstrates that his wife is trying to reach him through random radio noise
and snowy white computer screens, but soon dies, apparently murdered by his
mouse. Michael squints. Michael buys his own electronic toys and sits for
months in front of the television while we see soft, hazy images on the
screen and watch his face squint and twitch. As usual, there are bad spirits
in the beyond, who, in an obscure fight that looks like dust clouds battling
black Jell-O, finally terminate Michael’s squinting and twitching. He joins
his wife inside the TV at the best part of the movie: the end.
These flicks are chicken fodder compared to The Exorcist where all of
humanity trembles as Regan spins her head round and round, spews green vomit
at priests and yells obscenities never before heard in public. I finally
watched it one winter night in Minnesota at a friend’s house, alone and
scared. As movie hell broke loose, a yellow weather announcement crawled
across the screen heralding a tornado warning. I went outside to find a
calm, frozen night. Tornados don’t normally stalk the village at 20 below. I
was doubly spooked. This happened several more times, until I remembered I
was watching a video cassette recorded months earlier during summer, when
tornados attack frequently. It wasn’t live; it was taped. So I was as an
idiot then, and continue to be one, renting horrible movies and trying to
sweep flying ants. Please do not let anyone read this column.