With all of the highly complex paper work that one must complete in order to
stay in this country for an extended period, how in God’s name does Mrs.
Edna Gosling do that? In her writing she continues to exhibit incompetence
beyond comprehension, and I am surprised she can find her way to a post box
in order to deliver her weekly missive “beseeching” help and advice. Isn’t
it about time for her 90-day visa to expire? In which case, my first bit of
advice would be to get herself and her daughter on the next plane back to
from wherever they commeth in the first place.
Generally I do not respond to the ravings of most beseechers who contact
newspaper editors. Beseeching to a vast anonymous readership is one of the
privileges in a free society and is most often used by those whose writings
would not be accepted elsewhere. Thus, I would normally not reply to the
Mrs. Edna’s of the world, but since she besought so helplessly, I felt bound
to offer but a few comments in an attempt to help guide her out of the mess
she calls her life. And from this point forward I shall address Mrs. Edna
directly, even though I am technically writing to you, dear editor, as a
First: Mrs. Edna, you are not (technically) a single mother – and god help
us, neither was the Virgin Mary who remains quite in a category by herself.
Whatever category you find yourself in, or in whatever category the legal
system and/or mental health care professionals might soon assign to you, the
Virgin Mary does not share that status.
But I digress. You indicate your Reverend Donald is of late departed – thus,
in my view you are a widow. Generally, “Single Mother” or “Single Father”
are euphemisms which have become popular in recent years to indicate a woman
(or a man) who has CHOSEN to eliminate the opposite gender from the process
of jointly raising a child; or who is doing so for reasons other than the
death of the second party whose conjoined egg or sperm resulted in a living
organism in the first place.
If your comment that the Reverend Donald is “of late departed” means that he
is dead, I am sorry for your loss. If, on the other hand “of late departed”
means that the Rev D just recently took off leaving no forwarding address, I
am not sorry for your loss, but rather rejoice with him in his freedom.
Second: Mrs. Edna, you do not suffer in silence. To do so means you do not
speak nor write nor share your troubles with anyone. Please try harder.
Third: Mrs. Edna – by the way, I am not being overly familiar by using your
first name – but rather using the Thai form when addressing another person.
Do you speak Thai? Have you ever read a single word about Thai culture or
values? I would suggest you do so. Learning about another culture might be a
great way to distract yourself from our own miserable life, and learning the
Thai language would allow you to suffer in silence twice as much—you could
suffer silently in both Thai and English.
Fourth: Mrs. “Gosling”. Here I use your surname only as necessary to clarify
its pronunciation and meaning. Is “Gosling” pronounced GO-SLING (as in go
sling ****), or is it pronounced GOZZ-LING as in an immature goose?
Fifth –My dear, dear Mrs. Goose. Why do you continue to live in Thailand?
The ex-pat community here is certainly diverse enough without your presence;
and the religious community certainly does not need the notoriety your
presence creates – so why do you stay? Thailand seems to present so many
fearful scenarios for you and your precious daughter. Last week you had that
close encounter with the world of Chiang Mai’s Pay-Per-View night life, and
this week Tabatha (or you, really) had that equally disturbing encounter
with the squid salesman.
I think you are transferring onto your beloved Tabatha a lot of sexual
tension and desire that is really yours to own. Your semi-erotic
descriptions of satanic cults, juxtaposed with Romeo and Juliet fantasy
clearly reflect a sexual need on your part that has not been fulfilled since
the departure of your beloved Donald.
You are in the Land of Smiles. You are in a land of generous people who are
not corrupted by Western stereotypes of beauty. Since your beloved Donald
has passed, (and doubtful he will pass this way again) isn’t it really time
to seek out some handsome young Thai man, and then you could leave your poor
Tabatha alone to seek her own love among the squid.
May you go peace and beseecheth no more.
Name withheld by request.