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ASK EMMA

 

Mother-in-law headaches!
Dear Emma,
My mother-in-law has come to stay, and although she is lovely, she’s driving me up the wall (she talks ALL the time)!
So that I don’t end up looking like Jack Nicholson in ‘The Shining’, Where is a good place I can go to just chill out by myself, and get some peace and quiet? Failing that, where can I buy my bodyweight in Sangsom?!
Yours hopefully,
Desperately-seeking-peace-and-quiet of Chiang Mai
Dear Desperate,
While you certainly could drink yourself into oblivion and that would blank out the non-stop chatter, imagine the effect it will have when you wake up with a hangover? Rather than having to face the alternative of being drunk 24 hours a day until she leaves have you considered getting a nice relaxing spa treatment? Splurge out and get one of those facials/body wraps/massage deals. You deserve it, after all, it isn’t easy listening to one’s mother-in-law non-stop. Even if only for a short while!

Mozzies love me
Dear Emma,
Why do mosquitoes find me so delicious?
Yours itchingly,
Chomped of Chiang Mai
Dear Chomped,
Well, I have heard many different theories about why some people are naturally more delicious than others from eating too much sugar, to exhaling more carbon dioxide than others to not eating enough garlic or eating too many bananas.
Emma has always wondered if mosquitoes have a sense of smell. Some people swear on taking B1 to keep the mozzies at bay, but a little research on the old Google has shown that double blind studies where some subjects took a placebo and others took vitamin B1, the vitamin had no discernible effect. Apparently, neither does garlic, this only works on blood suckers of the two legged kind as the only way garlic can be even a teensy bit effective is to squeeze the juice on your skin, this will keep them at bay for about half an hour. Eating too many bananas isn’t the source of the problem either as research has shown that there was no noticeable change in attracting the pesky bugs after eating bananas.
Bad news is that there has been a link between people who drink beer and their attractiveness to mosquitoes. The idea being that drinking makes you flushed and sweat and this is what attracts them, not the pungent odor of alcohol oozing from your drunken pores.
The best way to repel the little blighters is to cover up, drain any standing water nearby and use repellent, if you don’t like DEET and want to go natural the most effective is lemon eucalyptus oil which has been proven to be more effective than low concentrations of DEET. Citronella candles and incense can also help to repel these pesky little blood suckers that we could all do so much better without!

Prince Charming
Dear Emma
Where is my Prince Charming? Should I go for plastic surgery?
Best regards
Not Cinderella
Dear Cinderella
There is no Prince Charming I am afraid, just men with flaws just like us. Do not get plastic surgery!
I read on a recent inflight magazine that the Koreans are so crazed about plastic surgery that parents pay for their teenagers to get chin and nose reconstruction and eyelid surgery as it is believed that better looking people have a better chance of being successful. And while this may be true it certainly is extreme to turn yourself into an Asian version of the Barbie Doll simply to find a man!
Instead, you must believe in yourself! Another magazine I read on the plane (I think it was Cosmo, in between the wild sex tips and how to get big hair articles) said that more than anything men find a woman who is confident in herself to be attractive and sexy. So, ditch the surgery and have a few drinks, don your sexiest dress and flaunt the attributes that God gave you!

Emma
Dear Emma
My husband and I just moved to Chiang Mai and while he does nothing more than look, look he does. His wandering eye is quite embarrassing at times and I am really not sure how to tell him that it bothers me. Is this a precursor to him chasing after some young girl half his age or is this normal?
Yours
Not my husband’s eye candy
Dear Eye Candy
Well, everyone looks, some people are just more subtle than others. And in Chiang Mai there is definitely a lot to look at! Personally, I enjoy looking at the lovely girls and admiring their stylish sense of dress almost as much as I enjoy looking at the many very handsome young Thai men that populate this lovely city.
But I can see that if your husband suffers from “swivel neck” ie his head swivels around so fast that he might get a concussion, you would find that rather embarrassing. You could consider the old adage “turnabout is fair play” and do some neck swiveling of your own in a very noticeable way whenever he is with you. Or you might just say, “honey, can you at least be subtle when you look at the pretty girls? It’s very humiliating for me to stand there while you ogle.” Either method may or may not work depending how much your husband is willing to do.
Is this a precursor to cheating? Not necessarily but if you are already concerned about trusting your husband and all he is doing is looking then you need to take a good hard look at what is happening in your marriage before it gets worse. Emma can recommend a marriage counselor if you think you need it.