I am at a loss. One of my colleagues at work is constantly whinging aobut
something. She is either sick, has a headache, is stressed out, it’s her
kid, you name it and she will complain. I realize that she is under a lot of
stress from our boss who has picked her as the “whipping boy” of the company
but her hang dog “woe is me” expression makes her a target as well.
I feel badly for her, I really do. But she is making me crazy and her
constant negativity is really getting to be too much. I don’t know how to
tell her that she is managing to kill off the sympathy people do feel for
her with her constant complaints.
Can you help me here Emma?
Sick of the complaints
It does make the workplace less congenial when one has a constantly
complaining workmate. And even more so to see that workmate persecuted and
bullied and one can do nothing or very little to help. I must be honest here
and tell you I have no real solution to this problem. If you tell her that
she complains too much then it will just feed her insecurities, make her
even more hangdog and most likely just create resentment against you.
Something that will make a less than congenial atmosphere downright chilly!
If you stand up to the bully boss then you risk losing your job too. There
are several options you can consider; you will need to decide how they best
suit your needs. Firstly, ignore the complaints. Pretend you don’t hear them
and they won’t be fed. Another option is to hear the complaints and dismiss
them lightly, not cruelly just don’t feed the monster. Finally, you can give
her an old fashioned pep talk of the buckle up, pull yourself up by the
You can try some of these in combination, one at a time, or of course, not
at all. But it is a difficult situation you are in so I would recommend that
you think hard before doing anything at all.
Condo does not allow cats
I live in a condo that does not allow animals. Not even cats. I know some
people sneak them in but I plan on staying a few years and don’t want to get
kicked out. I have actually considered moving to a condo that allows cats
but the truth is, my life is rather unsettled and I think it is unfair to
get a pet you cannot keep for the rest of its life. So, no cats for me. But
I miss them terribly and wish I could do something to help cats. Is there a
shelter that has cats that would allow me to visit and maybe help care for
the cats? I know about Care for Dogs and while dogs are nice, I am a cat
person so would prefer cats.
Lonely cat lover
You are in luck. A fellow cat lover Gill, has informed me of the very
helpful Santisook Dog and Cat Shelter in Doi Saket. Sadly, it is in Doi
Saket which is a bit of a drive but it is worth the trip for the true cat
Santisook offers cats and dogs a comfortable home and takes in rescues from
all over, initially started as a dog rescue they got so many calls about
cats in distress that they started taking in cats and now have quite a
sizable cat population as well. And while adoption is ideal they don’t say
no to visitors, be sure and bring food and toys! www.santi
I met a Thai girl a few years ago and while for the first year or so things
were great, they have gone downhill for the past year. Not only is she not
interested in doing anything with me, she isn’t interested in doing
anything! She sits and watches tv all day and half the night. When she isn’t
watching tv she is pressuring me to buy her a house!
If she isn’t pressuring me to buy a house or watching tv she is complaining
about me. She doesn’t help around the house and in fact, I find myself
picking up after her regularly. I am fed up.
However, every time I start talking about leaving she goes crazy and starts
screaming that she will kill me or herself if I leave. She used to be so
normal, I don’t know what happened but I can’t live this way any longer. Do
I really need to fear for my safety?
Fed up with my girlfriend
Dear Fed Up,
Firstly, have you talked to your girlfriend about her personality change? It
may be possible that she is suffering from depression or hormonal issues. If
she is willing, take her to a doctor to make sure there is nothing
If she won’t go or won’t talk then you may just have to cut your losses and
move on. Honestly, you do not sound very emotionally invested in the
relationship and if it is simple concern of what she will do to you then I
would not worry and just leave. If it is concern over what she does to
herself, well, it may sound very hard but you can’t stick around out of fear
of what she might do. She will always hold this over your head if you stay
and your life and hers will be a misery.
Good luck fed up, I think you will need it.