Temper tantrums and Thais
I am married to a local Thai lady and we have a lovely 3 year old son who is
taking an extended time to get over his terrible twos! My mother in law
often takes care of him since my wife and I both work.
Lately my son has taken to hitting me, hitting his mother and his
grandmother. I could not figure out what was bringing on this radical change
in behavior, he seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable to hit even
though he has been taught it is not ok.
Well, it turns out my mother in law is teaching him! One day he walked into
the corner of the table and banged his head badly. I caught my mother in law
taking his hand and using it to hit the table and saying, bad table in Thai!
I can’t believe she thinks this is acceptable or that she doesn’t grasp the
connection between this action and his new behavior. How do I approach my
mother in law with this and make her stop? I don’t want to have to hire a
carer but if this continues I will be forced to restrict her access to our
son. My wife seems to think it is no big deal but clearly it is. I need them
both to understand that I will not tolerate this.
Well, you are going to have to first explain to your wife how this is a bad
thing and why you do not want your son to be taught that the solution to a
conflict is to hit someone. If she cannot make the connection then you will
have to lay it out for her clearly. Then you will need to make it very clear
to her that the behavior on the part of her mother must stop or you will
take action and then let her talk to her mother herself. Surely they will
both mutter about how crazy you are but if they respect you at all, they
will heed your wishes.
If they do not, then take your child out of the mother-in-law’s care and
into that of someone who raises your child in an acceptable way.
Once a cheater always a cheater?
I met this beautiful girl, she is so sweet and lovely but she started seeing
me while she was still in a relationship with another man. First she told me
that it was over but that she hadn’t the heart to tell him but I realized
after a while that wasn’t true and she was cheating on him and lying to him
about her whereabouts.
Now I fear she will do the same to me. I can’t seem to overcome my suspicion
of her and distrust that every time she goes out it is to see another man,
or that every phone call she receives is another lover.
I don’t know what to do. I love her very much but this jealousy is killing
My salty old grandfather used to say, “You never know what is going on in
another man’s head or another man’s bed”. You do not know what led to the
breakdown of her previous relationship or why she cheated. She could be a
serial cheater or she could have felt trapped in a loveless relationship
with no real idea how to end it.
Either you give her the benefit of the doubt and stop making yourself crazy
with jealousy and paranoia and let the relationship grow or you end it now
because you can never get over your fear. You decide how important she is to
you and what you can live with.
Chatty Cathy on the phone
I confess, I hate talking on the phone. I do have a mobile like everyone but
most of the time people call and talk and talk with no idea that they are
cutting into my work. I work from home and there seems to be this notion
that it is not a “real job” so my time is free. This is not true, my time is
quite valuable but one particular friend, whom I actually quite like, does
not seem to grasp this at all and calls me about the most inane things and
for quite a long time too. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but it is
cutting into my work. How do I tell him I am busy?
Busy doing something
You sound as though you are a very kind and patient person but there must
come a time in your life when you stand up for yourself over things like
this and it sounds as though the time is now. You have two options; do not
answer when he calls or simply tell him. Something along the lines of “John,
thank you so much for calling and I am so glad to hear about your new
goldfish but I am afraid I am terribly busy right now and will have to run.”
If you think this simple comment will hurt his feelings then he needs to
grow slightly thicker shell. I can’t imagine a true friend would be so
selfish as to not care about your time.