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XII No.12 - Sunday June 16 - Saturday June 29, 2013


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Update by Saichon Paewsoongnern
 
 
 

ASK EMMA

 

Mental health specialists
Dear Readers,
Someone recently asked about mental health specialists for English speaking people in Chiang Mai and we were at a loss. There is of course Suan Prung Hospital but none of us at the Mail have any real experience with it except to know it is a mental hospital. A scary thought for someone who just needs a little counselling. Our editor contacted those in the know at Lanna Care Net and received several suggestions. First off, there is by all accounts a fluent English speaking psychiatrist at Chiang Mai Ram Hospital but the good folks at Lanna Care Net were not sure of the name. There seem to be several listed on their Psychiatric page so if anyone knows which one is best please let us know. Then she suggested that for someone in need of family or relationship counselling, that the Cornerstone Center would be a good place to start. Most of their counsellors are native English speakers, she noted and are used to working with cross-cultural family and marriage issues. They are a Christian organization, but respect all religions and are not counselling from the perspective of any specific religion.
If any of our dear readers can suggest any other psychologists, psychiatrists or therapists please do let us know. You can email the editor at [email protected] with any details.
Yours,
Emma

I am married, she is married
Dear Emma,
I am married and I do love my wife but ever since the baby was born she has lost interest in me. Not just sexually, but that too of course, but in every way. I realize she loves our son, I do too, but it is as if I no longer exist. Sometimes I might as well be talking to a brick wall for all she listens.
There is a lovely woman at my office that I am attracted to and I believe she is attracted to me. She is also married, her husband is a foreigner same as me but he spends most of his time traveling and treats her like the maid with benefits when he is home. I don’t believe she loves him anymore and I can’t say as I blame her.
I know it’s a mistake but my life is so lonely now. Should I take the plunge and ask her out or live my life in loneliness?
Signed,
Lonely and married
Dear Lonely,
Loneliness in a relationship is a terrible thing, it really is. It is worse than lonely and being alone since then, at least, you have a reason for feeling lonely. But! And this is a very big but on Emma’s part, this does not justify turning to someone else to feel less lonely. This makes you a cheat and a liar. Not something everyone can live with easily and not a path Emma would choose to take herself.
You say you love your wife and your son. Presumably, she still loves you as well. It is very hard for a new mother, especially if she is a first time mother, to learn to segment her time and to not devote all her energies to the baby. Try to understand that. Also, try talking with her. Instead of playing the blame game, accusing her of neglect and making her feel defensive, tell her how you feel. “I feel lonely and I feel like there is no time for our relationship” should work.
And finally, a bit of hard truth here. You are a husband and a father and the time for you to act like the only thing that matters is your own well-being is past. Man up!
Yours,
Emma


No couponing?
Dear Emma,
I admit to being a bargain hunter. In the US I collected coupons and while not as extreme as some people, did manage to save some money by doing so. However, coupons seem to be few and far between here and I am not sure how to get good deals. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Bargain hunter

Dear Bargain,
First of all, sign up for a rewards card with Tops, Tesco and Rimping. Tesco sends you vouchers for money off as well as coupons; the more you spend the more you get. Tops offers special deals for card holders and Rimping’s reward system offers you gifts as well. If you purchase a lot of cosmetics and health supplies then Watsons has a reward card too but it does cost an annual fee.
Then, sign up online for Groupon and Ensogo in Thailand. Groupon is easier as it is in English but if you are clever you can generally figure out how to use Ensogo. While much of it is Bangkok based you can get some great deals in Chiang Mai and they also sell items through their online shop at a discount.
Finally, think outside the American box! Much of the world relies on bargaining to get prices down. So, learn some Thai and get out to the markets and learn to shop Thai style. Also, the fresh markets will have better prices on fruits, vegetables and meats then the big stores but you will have to check and double check for quality.
Yours,
Emma


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