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ASK EMMA

 

Selfie obsession
Dear Emma,
My girlfriend is Thai and has an obsession with taking selfies. At first it seemed cute but after a while I realized she wouldn’t, or couldn’t, do anything at all without taking a selfie. If we go anywhere or do anything together she has to take a selfie before we start out, on the road, and at whatever place we go. It slows down every aspect of our lives. She has to take a selfie before eating, she has to take a selfie when we go to a movie.
It is some kind of weird addiction or obsession, I think. Honestly, I am really tired of it and I have tried talking to her about this. I have tried to stop her from doing it and we end up having huge arguments about it. She doesn’t seem to understand that this selfie obsession shows an underlying problem.
She has always been a little vain but I didn’t realize it was such a self-obsession. I don’t think she will change and I don’t know that I can put up with this anymore. It interferes with nearly every aspect of our relationship and I think I am tired of it.
I don’t know what to tell this girl, Emma, any suggestions?
Signed,
Tired of the selfies

Dear Tired,
Yes the selfie trend has taken over many people’s lives in Thailand it would seem by the huge number of selfie photos that Emma has seen on her Facebook feed. I can understand your weariness with the situation if it really takes over so much of her (and your) life.
Really, the only thing that you can do, since you seem determined to end it, is to tell her that you are no longer interested in dating her and, if it makes you feel better, tell her why. However, it is unlikely it will change her selfie addiction but, if she truly loves you, it might give her the will to change her behavior when she sees that it is ruining important relationships in her life.
However, Emma wouldn’t recommend that you have such hopes, it is usually better to just break things off with an addict and if they choose to change allow them that opportunity to re-evaluate their lives and perhaps some day, be capable of a proper relationship.
Yours,
Emma

Always the late invitation
Dear Emma,
I have a friend who likes to throw parties and seemingly plans them well in advance except for the part about inviting people. Or perhaps it is just me that she forgets to invite until literally the very last minute. This last time she invited me two hours before the party started and then was upset when I did not go.
Personally, being treated like an afterthought is rather insulting. I don’t understand why she does this. If she really does invite everyone last minute then I am not entirely certain how or why she thinks people will be able to attend. If it is just me that is invited at the very last second then why does she think that I will drop everything I may have planned simply to attend her party?
Signed,
Afterthought
Dear Afterthought,
Honestly, Emma thinks you are over-thinking this woman’s behavior. Most likely she is incredibly disorganized and finds names popping into her head last minute. Emma wouldn’t not be surprised at all to find that this woman frequently invites other people at the last minute too.
You may want to consider if you really want to go to a party put on by someone so disorganized. It does not seem that it would be a very good party at all. I also suspect that if others are also invited so last minute that it will be a very small party indeed.
Since you do not seem to be romantically interested in her and find her last minute invitations tiresome then simply do not respond and do not attend. Eventually you will drop off her invite list and you will not need to be insulted or inconvenienced by her invitations again.
Yours,
Emma

Unwary friend online
Dear Emma,
I have an elderly friend who, like most people, does use email and the internet but has never learned how to spot spam or to not click on every pop up that comes along. He is regularly emailing me some special offer he gets asking if it is real. No matter how often I tell him that no, it is not real and no he did not get left 5 million dollars from a long lost relative, he still has to check. Given the amount of spam out there, it gets very tiresome very quickly.
Add in the problem that he clicks on literally everything, installs things without any idea of what he is installing or why he shouldn’t, and his computer is riddled with viruses and other malware.
I used to come and clean his computer, make sure the antivirus software was up to date and remove the viruses and malware but it really just became too much work for me. He needs to have his computer checked so often, I just cannot understand why he hasn’t yet learned from the previous 20 times he got a virus from clicking on a pop up or link.
Now I make him pay someone to do it and yet the expense doesn’t seem to deter him at all. My friend is not stupid by any means but current technology just seems to be beyond his grasp.
Am I a bad friend for not taking care of everything for him and how can I get him to take care of himself?
Signed
Not a tech geek

Dear Tech,
No, you are not a bad friend, most people pay technicians to do this and if your friend is willing to do so then let him do it. Perhaps consider sitting down with him and going over the spam folder and showing him how to delete it without reading anything in it? Finally, maybe you should consider hiring a technician to go over his computer fully and install pop up blockers, ad blockers etc. If there is a way to do it, see if you can idiot proof his computer. It sounds as though he really needs it.
Yours,
Emma