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Update July 2018


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Update by Natrakorn Paewsoongnern
 
 
 

Heart to Heart with Hillary

 

 July 21, 2018 - July 27, 2018

Dear Hillary,

What do you feel about the ‘crack downs’ on the bars the BIB are running at present? Are they really trying to make Pattaya squeaky clean or is it some Thailand-wide money generating scheme? Or perhaps money laundering? I find it difficult to understand the logic (?) when they could stand on any street corner and fine all the riders with no helmets. 800 riders per hour at B. 400 per head is a tidy sum and it could go to saving somebody’s life.

Amazed 

Dear Amazed,

Don’t be amazed my Petal, Thailand society works in some strange ways which farangs do not understand. By stopping the motorcycles means less fuel is used, so the petro-giants will begin to hurt. And we don’t want that, do we?

 

Dear Hillary,

I notice that most of the letters you get are from farang males who are complaining about what has happened to them in the bar scene. Surely they must see that there is a big difference between that side of Pattaya and the other side? If they were only to look past the end of their noses they would appreciate that there are some truly wonderful girls out there. I have been married to my Thai wife for four years now and there has never been a “bad moment” in all that time. She is beautiful, intelligent (a qualified accountant) and caring. I do not have to change the locks on my doors or worry that my suits will be cut up. She does not need ropes of gold to hold her in the marriage, or motorcycles, or houses. We have a partnership and mutual trust. Why don’t some of these men look for the “good” girls?

Gregor

Dear Gregor,

There may be lots of reasons. One may be that the supply of “wonderful girls” is much less than the demand, so the single males gravitate to the good-time girls, of which there is a more than adequate supply. Look after your wonderful wife and buy her plenty of chocolates (you can send the champagne to me, Hillary, c/o Pattaya Mail) and continue to build on your mutual trust. Bar scene farangs generally are not looking past the end of their noses - it is some other part of the anatomy.

 

Dear Hillary,

I have been to Thailand 6 times, but unfortunately on my last visit, I actually got a “knock back” from a bar girl. As I have been so many times, and have a lot of Thai friends, I have picked up quite a bit of the Thai language. The reason for my “KB” was that I was a farang who spoke, not Thai very well, but Thai too much. Although my ego was shattered for all of twenty seconds, I pulled myself together and continued to enjoy my night out, and the rest of my stay. I have my next visit planned for Xmas/New Year, and you are very welcome to join me and my friends for an evening out, with guaranteed Champagne and unlimited chocolate. I love to read the Pattaya Mail from here in the UK, and maybe if you decide to accept my invitation, you could go to the bar in question, and politely tell the pretty young lady that she made a big mistake. I have a very good heart, but life is full of ups and downs.

Rocker and knocker

Dear Rocker and knocker,

Ooooh what a lovely man you are. Champagne and unlimited chocolates! What a shame it wasn’t chocolates and unlimited Champagne (French, vintage, of course) and I would have come immediately, my precious Petal. However, since you have been here 6 times already, you will no doubt realize that the chances of the pretty young lady still being in that particular bar are not high. Come to think of it, the chances of the ‘bar’ still being there are probably not all that good either. Just remember that there are plenty of other pebbles on the beach, and Hillary is sure you will have another wonderful time this year too. Keep learning Thai - as you have already found out, you can be surprised at what you can pick up - or how you can be dropped.

 

Dear Hillary,

The shopping for tourists is very good in Pattaya, with some excellent shopping centers and malls, but where do you go to find the true authentic local markets? While we are here for three months every year we would like to experience life from the Thai side, rather than from the tourist angle. Where do you suggest we go?

Marj

Dear Marj,

You are correct, Pattaya is a shoppers paradise, but it is becoming difficult if you are only looking from the Thai shoppers point of view. The next ‘big thing’ in Pattaya is the Terminus 21 center. This place is so big they even have a couple of planes sitting on the forecourt. Not small run-abouts either, but planes like a 777 for example. I am not sure if they will fly you home, but you can always ask. In the meantime, the Thepprasit market might be your best bet.


July 14, 2018 - July 20, 2018

Dear Hillary,

Can you recommend any Indian food places in Pattaya? We do not mean the commercial pizza companies, but real Indian food. We read you each week on the web and will be coming for a vacation this fall and we are all Indian addicts. Where do you recommend?

Alice

Dear Alice (in Wonderland?),

I am delighted that you are coming over to Pattaya for your holidays, and, yes, I adore Indian food too, especially when taken with French Champagne. The Indians really haven’t got a handle on champagne, do they Petal, but they do have a good handle on some other aspects of life, like selling suits! Miss Terry Diner (you can get her on the Pattaya Mail’s web site too), has given Ali Baba high recommendation. Try it and if you find any others let me know and I’ll join you (with the proviso of copious amounts of bubbly).

 

Dear Hillary,

I have noticed that every time you walk near an up-market restaurant some young person tries to drag you inside. Surely this cannot be good for business as I find it turns me off the place, rather than make me want to eat there. Why do they do this, as surely they would be better off serving at the tables inside the restaurant? Can you tell me why?

Toothsome Terri

Dear Toothsome Terri,

These young people are called “Greeters” in the trade, and their job is just as you said: to entice people inside. Just take it all in your stride Terri and go and eat at the places you want to go to. Check Miss Terry Diner’s Dining Out column each week for different places to go.

Dear Hillary,

My Thai girlfriend and I want to buy some land upcountry where she comes from near Nong Khai. The price seems reasonable and in a few years I would be happy to retire in that place. The other day she went up country and rang me to say that we could buy some land OK, but it would take two months for the deeds to be transferred into my company’s name. If she were to buy it in her name then the deeds could be transferred in two days. This doesn’t seem right to me, Hillary. Do you think I am being taken for a ride here?

James

Dear James,

First off, James my Petal, is to decide whether it is “my Thai girlfriend and I” who want this land, or is it your Thai girlfriend? I must say I do not know too many farangs who have successfully retired to Nakhon Nowhere, approximately 20 kilometers this side of the Laos border. Since you want the title deeds in your company name, I take it that you want to retain control over it. Buying it in someone else’s name does not fit in with that does it? Go and talk to a lawyer.

 

Dear Hillary,

I think my wife was born in a tent because she never shuts doors behind her. When we lived in America this was not really a problem, but here in Thailand it is, because we have to run the air conditioners very high to keep the house cool. I have tried to tell her that the air conditioner has to work overtime when she leaves the doors open and that means more electricity is used, so our power bills are so high, but it doesn’t seem to have got through. I cannot spend my life closing doors behind her. What should I do?

Desmond

Dear Door Closing Des,

Some people do get their knickers right properly knotted, don’t they, Petal. Instead of wasting all that time and effort and worry and emotion and excess money on the electric bill there was one easy answer. Buy some automatic door closers, then she can swish in and out all day and the doors will close behind her. Now wasn’t that easy? Sometimes I worry about you people with the tunnel vision, or perhaps it is the glasses you wear.

 

Dear Hillary,

I spend three months every year here in Pattaya. My young Thai girlfriend and I were getting along so well I decided I would help her out and buy a condominium for her, where she could stay for the rest of the year so that she did not have to live in rented accommodation any more, where I had been staying with her. When I told her I would do this and get the condo she began to ask for money for telephone calls I had made, electricity I had used and even demanded a sum for excess water I might have used in my showers. This to me seemed to show a very grasping nature so I cancelled the purchase and said goodbye. Do you think I was correct, or was I too hasty?

Fergus

Dear Fergus,

You were not too hasty, my Petal, you were too slow. Gift horse and teeth springs to mind. Now if the condo’s a luxury one on the beach, I will happily look after it for you for the nine months, but please leave enough French champagne in the fridge to last.


July 7, 2018 - July 13, 2018

Dear Hillary,

One of my colleagues at work keeps on suggesting I go out with him to go bar hopping one night. When I asked which bars he intended to visit, he was very vague and was trying to dodge the issue. What do you think he is trying to do? He would be around 40 years old with a Thai wife. I am 27 and unmarried.

Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

Why are you trying to “read” something into a situation before it has made itself evident? You are in charge of your own destiny and if you don’t like the bar, then you move on. If you think he is trying to seduce you, then again you are in charge of the situation. Nobody is going to throw you flat on your back on the bar counter, are they? Suggest to him it would be a great idea to go out and to bring his Thai wife with him. His next move will show his hand, I am quite sure. Unless his wife wants to seduce you!

 

Dear Hillary,

I am about to try and learn the Thai language (for the third time) and I have been getting some conflicting advice and am hopeful that you, dear Hillary, can put me on the right path. Some of my friends say I should just learn how to speak conversational Thai and forget about reading it, while others I know who speak Thai fluently say I should learn to read and write the language at the same time. I’m confused enough as it is, what do you think?

Confused

Dear Confused,

No need to worry. Look at it this way, do Thai children learn to read and write first or learn to speak the language first? Do American kids learn to read and write before they speak English? Of course they don’t. Children learn like parrots (but eat like pigs). Sure, it helps to recognize some words in Thai, but take the easy way and you should start like any Thai child and speak before you write.

 

Dear Hillary,

I met a wonderful girl in a new bar the other night. Beautiful nature, beautiful skin, lovely smile and figure, in fact I just fell for her. She comes from Udom, and that’s about all I managed to find out after about four hours and several “lady drinks”. The biggest problem was that she doesn’t speak any English, so I was trying to talk to her through a friend of hers who also works in the bar and who didn’t speak much English either. By the end of the night I was pretty drunk and did lend her 2000 baht. What should I do? Should I keep going, or should I give up now before I get in too deep?

Nelson

Dear Nelson,

You’ve really got the telescope in the blind eye, haven’t you petal. You spent four hours (and several lady drinks) getting to know this lady and she can’t speak your lingo. What means of communication did you use? Braille? One thing’s for sure, young man, she certainly could talk her way into your wallet. Her fingers did the walking! Or was that “talking”? Kiss your two grand goodbye and stick to the old bar. It sounds safer.

 

Dear Hillary,

How do I stop my husband tipping? I know it probably sounds mean, but he is always leaving 20 baht here, 50 baht there and it all mounts up. We have retired here from the UK and live off his pension which is not all that much every month. When I chide him about it he just says that everyone has to live or words to that effect. How do I show him that the amounts he leaves are excessive?

Mona

Dear Mona,

You certainly are a little moaner aren’t you my Petal. Leaving a tip for people in the hospitality industry is how many of these people survive because their wages can be amazingly low. There are not strong unions as there are in your country, so there is no guarantee of minimum salaries, even though there may be legislation to that effect. Provided you are living within your means, and your husband is tipping within those means, let him feel good about it and let the recipients enjoy their added “extras”. They’ll need it more than you do, my Purple Petunia.

 

Dear Hillary,

I met this attractive lady at a concert the other evening. She was well dressed (not provocative) and spoke good English. We chatted for a while and I felt we got along rather well. I asked if she had a business card and she gave me one. When I got back to my condo I looked at it and it turns out she works for a massage agency. This is my problem. How could I introduce her to my mother, for example? Have I been taken in, or is she just a slippery customer?

Gerald

Dear Gerald,

A gal’s gotta do what a gal’s gotta do in this world. Look at me, replying to drivel like yours every week! Let your Mum find her own massage parlor.


June 30, 2018 - July 6, 2018

Dear Hillary,

I am a new transplant to Pattaya. Today was my first day reading your newspaper. I simply could not stop laughing hard after reading your brutally honest responses to people’s queries on June/8th publication. Total respect and salutations to you Hillary.

Transplant

Dear Transplant,

An interesting name you have chosen for yourself, my Petal. You should be very careful round here as there are some stunning creatures roaming the streets at night, looking for a transplant. Especially new transplants! Stay indoors for a month or so before venturing out into the wonderful world of Pattaya.

 

Dear Hillary,

I have had a jokey type relationship with my hairdresser for about six months. Last week she made it clear (I thought) that she would be interested in a little after hours fun, and we ended up with some slap and tickle in the back of the salon, nothing too deep, just what you’d call petting. I dropped by today with the idea of floating the idea of her closing the shop for an hour or two one afternoon, but she was not even in for a bit of a cuddle, so I did not pursue the idea. What gives with these Thai women, Hillary? I’ve had this before with lots of sexy suggestions, but then backing out at the last minute. Is this the way their culture demands or what? And should I keep trying with this dame?

Jo-Jo

Dear JoJo,

My Petal, you have mistaken harmless fun with the real thing. Your hairdresser is just trying to keep you as a customer. A little snog every so often does not mean that she is ready for a roll between the covers at the local Lonely Hearts Hotel, room by the hour. Don’t get so serious with these ladies, they are just having some fun with you, but that’s all. If you are only looking for short term rumpy pumpy company then a Bar beer, rather than a Barber, is where you go. Understand now?

 

Dear Hillary,

You bleat on every week about not having any expensive French champagne. Why don’t you do what the rest of us do, and that is to drink the cheaper champagnes from Australia, Chile, Spain or Italy? They’re just as good.

Methode Champenoise

Dear Methode Champenoise,

You have answered it already in your ‘nom de plume’ my Petal. You obviously know of the restrictions on using the name “champagne”. The Champagne producers successfully lobbied the European Union to restrict the use of that term within the EU to wines produced from their region. Thus, wines from elsewhere cannot even use the term “méthode champenoise” on products sold in the EU, and instead the term “traditional method” (méthode traditionnelle) or the local language equivalent may be seen; for instance, in Germany the term used is “klassische flaschengärung”. South African wines from the Western Cape are labelled with the term “Methode Cap Classique”. However, consumers outside the EU may see “méthode champenoise” used on labels for products made outside of France. So for little people like me I would much rather drink the “real thing” than some other country’s copy. So, please send me the good stuff, that’s a nice chap. And don’t forget the chocolates.

 

Dear Hillary,

Can you tell me just what goes on in a Thai girl’s head? I have had this relationship with one of the girls in the local bar. If she wants a night off, I pay for her bar fine, and she comes home with me. We have a great time and I usually take her for som tam or something that she likes on the way. The other night I felt like seeing her, but when I went to the bar and suggested I pay bar for her she said no. I stayed for a while and then another farang came in and off she went with him all lovey-dovey if you please. Are they all like this? I thought I had a pretty good understanding with the girl, but it must have meant nothing to her.

Confused and Disappointed

Dear Confused and Disappointed,

Let me tell you like it is Petal, and you won’t be confused and disappointed in the future. “This relationship” as you see it, is nothing like the “relationship” as she sees it. You are as free as the proverbial bird, come along, pick up, put down and here’s a bowl of noodles for your trouble. And be thankful. She sees one customer who she can get to buy her out when she’s got no better offers. The other farang was probably offering two bowls of noodles. A much better business deal if everything else is equal. Your girl in the bar is a businesswoman, Mr. Confused and disappointed. That’s where you are going wrong. Your relationship does not “mean nothing to her”. It represents an “off” for the evening and a bowl of som tam and some small change. No more, no less. Stop confusing business with pleasure.

  


HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]

July 21, 2018 - July 27, 2018

July 14, 2018 - July 20, 2018

July 7, 2018 - July 13, 2018

June 30, 2018 - July 6, 2018

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