co-worker’s mother is pressuring her
I have been working here in Chiang Mai for a few months now and one of my
co-workers, with whom I have become friendly, has told me that her mother
has found out about our friendship (apparently she looks at her daughter’s
Facebook page and seen us out in groups together) and has been pressuring
her to marry me!
Now, she is a very nice girl but I am not actually interested in her and
certainly not interested in getting married. I don’t know where her mother
came up with this notion that we were dating when we are not but I told her
she needs to disabuse her mother of the idea that there is anything between
Our co-workers have even started teasing both of us that something is going
on. I realise I opened myself up to this by going out with co-workers but
really, this is quite ridiculous! I am being pressurised into a relationship
I do not want. What do I do to stop all this speculation? I do not want to
change jobs simply because this one girl cannot tell her mother to mind her
Well Emma has to agree with you, if all you have been on is group outings
then it is certainly presumptuous of your co-workers to assume there is
more. However, if you have been leading this girl up the garden path by
behaving in a flirtatious manner then it is you who owes her an apology.
Emma does have to wonder however, why your colleagues have also come to the
idea that there is some kind of special relationship here. Emma suggests you
take a good look at your own behavior and determine if there is some thing
there that may have given the wrong impression and if so, correct it.
If you look at yourself and decide that you have not behaved in a misleading
way then you must take this girl aside and tell her firmly that you are not
interested. You will also need to make sure that your co-workers understand
this as well, you can do so in a joking manner but make sure that you do it
in a way that does not humiliate the girl.
Girlfriend’s brother is always
asking for a loan
I have been seeing my girlfriend for about a year and we are talking
seriously about moving in together. However, my biggest concern is her
moocher brother. He is younger than her but still old enough to hold a
job but every time I see him he asks me to “loan” him money. Since he
has never once attempted to pay back previous “loans” I guess he’s just
using the word to sound less like the leach that he is. He regularly
shows up to eat with us and of course, never even offers to pay. He’s
borrowed my girlfriend’s scooter and never fills it up. One time he even
crashed it and didn’t pay for the repairs.
He’s always “borrowing “ something, if not money, clothes, bikes etc.
The man is a leech, a moocher. I am at the end of my tether dealing with
this guy and have told my girlfriend that I have no intention of ever
loaning him anything and she just shrugs her shoulders and says it’s her
brother. I really don’t know that I can tolerate it and don’t know what
to do to stop it.
Sick of the moocher
Emma must caution you at the very start. If you are planning on asking
your girlfriend of only one year to choose between you and her family
she will always choose her family. Understand this and you will be able
to determine your way forward.
If you love her enough to tolerate the brother then yes, move in. You
must tell her that you have no intention of loaning him money but be
aware that it will be your house together and more than likely he will
be welcomed by her, he may even stay over from time to time. If you
cannot abide this then do not move in together as it will be just as
much her house as yours.
Emma would suggest that you slow it down since it seems you are unsure
of your connections to her and unaware of how families work in Thailand.
My girlfriend is quite a jealous person, I do not give her any reason to
but still she is. She gets jealous of any of my female friends on my
Facebook page and has demanded that I delete all photos of my
ex-girlfriend from my profile and from my computer. She said that it
hurts her feelings to see someone I loved before her and makes her think
I will go back to my ex-girlfriend.
This is ridiculous since my ex-girlfriend is back in my country and not
here. We don’t’ even talk online anymore and she is not in my life.
However, these are photos my life and my past with my friends and I
don’t understand why she wants me to erase them. Should I just delete
them and make her happy?
Keeping my past
You need to consider that this is your life, not hers, and that you need
to make the choices that work best for you. Let’s say you delete all
your photos and then break up with her. What then? They are gone and the
reason for removing them is also gone. Or what if you delete them and
she comes up with some new demand? Give in now and you will never stop
giving in. Stand up for what you know is best for you and if it means
you lose your girlfriend, well then she must not have been much of a
girlfriend. As the saying goes, “Just say No” or you will be saying yes
for a very long time.