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Vol. XIII No.23 - Sunday November 16, 2014 - Saturday November 29, 2014


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ASK EMMA

 

My co-worker’s mother is pressuring her
Dear Emma,
I have been working here in Chiang Mai for a few months now and one of my co-workers, with whom I have become friendly, has told me that her mother has found out about our friendship (apparently she looks at her daughter’s Facebook page and seen us out in groups together) and has been pressuring her to marry me!
Now, she is a very nice girl but I am not actually interested in her and certainly not interested in getting married. I don’t know where her mother came up with this notion that we were dating when we are not but I told her she needs to disabuse her mother of the idea that there is anything between us.
Our co-workers have even started teasing both of us that something is going on. I realise I opened myself up to this by going out with co-workers but really, this is quite ridiculous! I am being pressurised into a relationship I do not want. What do I do to stop all this speculation? I do not want to change jobs simply because this one girl cannot tell her mother to mind her own business.
Yours,
Stuck

Dear Stuck,
Well Emma has to agree with you, if all you have been on is group outings then it is certainly presumptuous of your co-workers to assume there is more. However, if you have been leading this girl up the garden path by behaving in a flirtatious manner then it is you who owes her an apology. Emma does have to wonder however, why your colleagues have also come to the idea that there is some kind of special relationship here. Emma suggests you take a good look at your own behavior and determine if there is some thing there that may have given the wrong impression and if so, correct it.
If you look at yourself and decide that you have not behaved in a misleading way then you must take this girl aside and tell her firmly that you are not interested. You will also need to make sure that your co-workers understand this as well, you can do so in a joking manner but make sure that you do it in a way that does not humiliate the girl.
Yours,
Emma


Girlfriend’s brother is always asking for a loan
Dear Emma,
I have been seeing my girlfriend for about a year and we are talking seriously about moving in together. However, my biggest concern is her moocher brother. He is younger than her but still old enough to hold a job but every time I see him he asks me to “loan” him money. Since he has never once attempted to pay back previous “loans” I guess he’s just using the word to sound less like the leach that he is. He regularly shows up to eat with us and of course, never even offers to pay. He’s borrowed my girlfriend’s scooter and never fills it up. One time he even crashed it and didn’t pay for the repairs.
He’s always “borrowing “ something, if not money, clothes, bikes etc. The man is a leech, a moocher. I am at the end of my tether dealing with this guy and have told my girlfriend that I have no intention of ever loaning him anything and she just shrugs her shoulders and says it’s her brother. I really don’t know that I can tolerate it and don’t know what to do to stop it.
Signed,
Sick of the moocher

Dear Sick,
Emma must caution you at the very start. If you are planning on asking your girlfriend of only one year to choose between you and her family she will always choose her family. Understand this and you will be able to determine your way forward.
If you love her enough to tolerate the brother then yes, move in. You must tell her that you have no intention of loaning him money but be aware that it will be your house together and more than likely he will be welcomed by her, he may even stay over from time to time. If you cannot abide this then do not move in together as it will be just as much her house as yours.
Emma would suggest that you slow it down since it seems you are unsure of your connections to her and unaware of how families work in Thailand.
Yours,
Emma


Jealous girlfriend
Dear Emma,
My girlfriend is quite a jealous person, I do not give her any reason to but still she is. She gets jealous of any of my female friends on my Facebook page and has demanded that I delete all photos of my ex-girlfriend from my profile and from my computer. She said that it hurts her feelings to see someone I loved before her and makes her think I will go back to my ex-girlfriend.
This is ridiculous since my ex-girlfriend is back in my country and not here. We don’t’ even talk online anymore and she is not in my life. However, these are photos my life and my past with my friends and I don’t understand why she wants me to erase them. Should I just delete them and make her happy?
Signed,
Keeping my past

Dear Keeping,
You need to consider that this is your life, not hers, and that you need to make the choices that work best for you. Let’s say you delete all your photos and then break up with her. What then? They are gone and the reason for removing them is also gone. Or what if you delete them and she comes up with some new demand? Give in now and you will never stop giving in. Stand up for what you know is best for you and if it means you lose your girlfriend, well then she must not have been much of a girlfriend. As the saying goes, “Just say No” or you will be saying yes for a very long time.
Yours,
Emma



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