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Heart to Heart
with Hillary |
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Dear Hillary,
I can’t stop myself trying to hit on middle-aged women. I reckon that they
should be getting pretty frustrated by the time they’re in their 40’s, and
with so many young beauties about the place they should be pretty pleased to
get some attention from a young good looking man like me. Do you think this
is a project that can work? I don’t want to get a knock-back, so need to be
pretty sure of the next step. What do you reckon, Hillary?
Jeff
Dear Jeff,
I love to read self-opinionated letters from young studs like you, who are
so full of themselves, there’s nothing left for anybody else. I wouldn’t go
on with this “project”, Petal. I think the first middle-aged lady you might
try and “hit on” will slap your face and send you packing. Not just a
knock-back, but a slap-down as well. Time you grew up young Jeff, and stick
to ladies your own age (as long as they are more than 18 years old).
Dear Hillary,
I’ve been here for about 10 years already and it beats me how all these
blokes get themselves into so much trouble with the local girls, and end up
writing in to you for advice (but you can’t help these people). Surely they
know that their most important feeture (sic) lies in their trousers,
and it’s not in the crutch, but in the pockets. Don’t they know it after
all this time? Who would go out with these sad sacks if they weren’t being
paid? Somebody called them the “living dead” and I reckon that’s about the
best they would be. The local girls will soon finnish (sic) them
off, or at least their bank accounts.
Pool table Pete
Dear Pool table Pete,
You sound like you’re speaking from experience. Been ripped off too? But
aren’t you the high and mighty one now? So what if these “living dead” as
you and your friends call them are getting a little fun and excitement in
their lives, even if it is towards the end. At last count there were no
pockets in shrouds, so they can’t take it with them. Why not have a little
fun, even if they are paying for it? In their own countries, they can’t
even pay for some fun, as all the moralists come down on such an idea. When
you look at it all, without putting some sort of judgment on it, it is a
win-win situation all round. He gets looked after, while she gets money to
send home to mother who will be looking after the baby left to her by the
boyfriend who ran away as soon as he knew she was pregnant. It may not be
the ideal situation, Pete, but we live in an imperfect world. Just like
your spelling. Learn to live and let live, Petal.
Dear Hillary,
My car was involved in an accident while it was parked at the side of the
road with nobody in it. A large 4WD just clipped the front mudguard and
bumper bar on my car. Not much damage (probably about 4,000 baht and that’s
all), but his insurance company made such a palaver, requiring copies of
passports, blue book, driver’s license, etc. The other driver admitted that
it was his fault and we had to stand around for two hours with all the
nonsense. Surely there is a better way to fix this when there is only one
driver involved? I wasn’t even near the car, for Pete’s sake! Is it always
like this in Thailand?
Henry
Dear Henry,
You have my sympathies, Petal. Thais that work for insurance companies are
very good at form filling, as you have found out. They also follow a
proscribed flow sheet in times like this, and every line must be filled in
and every t must be crossed and every i dotted. Failure to complete any
step means you go back to square one. This is why you should employ the
services of an agent who can take you through the minefield while you spend
some happy hours at a bar of your choosing. I have mentioned before that
you should have an insurance broker to do all this for you. Next time try a
safe place to park. The side of the road is just too dangerous round here!
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Dear Hillary,
I have to laugh at all your letter writers, wondering if they have found THE
ONE, when they should start looking at themselves to see if they would be
THE ONE for any of the women around here. I’m not talking about the girls
from the bars, who are only there for one thing - money, while the blokes
are also there for one thing - sex. They’ll never find the right one
there. I’m talking about the ones you call “good girls”, and these blokes
aren’t even looking in the right place, and I reckon no self respecting girl
would want to be seen with some fat old bloke with a skinful of booze every
night. You try telling ‘em, Hillary, I’ve given up. They’ve got no
(expletive removed) idea.
Al the Advisor
Dear Al,
I understand where you’re coming from Petal, but if you want to be an
advisor you’ve got to do more than throwing a bucket of manure over the
people wanting advice. Once the average chap understands what the bars are
for, and what the girls who work in the bars are there for, then you’re
about half way there to finding someone who might be THE ONE and obviously
not from the bar scene. The bars are for fun, not for evers. You are
correct when you say that the chaps looking for a partner have to present
themselves in a good way as well. No Thai lady is looking for the kind of
farang you describe. Finding THE ONE is difficult in any society, in any
country, and is no different here. Just keep on showing those who ask of
you where they shouldn’t look, and you’ve done your bit, Al.
Dear Hillary,
We have been here for six months and I suppose we are considered very well
off. I have a problem though, and I don’t know if it is related to the fact
that we have money. I have an increasing attraction for our new young
maid. She is very beautiful and charming and appears to be interested in me
too. We have not spoken about this, but I will hold her hand when we are in
the street and she does not pull away. I know my husband would not approve
of this so I have not said anything to him either. Should I tell him?
Should I tell her? I am unsure of what to do.
Billie Jean
Dear Billie Jean,
You are certainly new here, aren’t you, Petal. Holding hands with another
woman is perfectly normal and acceptable behavior here in Thailand. It does
not indicate a romantic relationship beyond a simple friendship, and
certainly not the one you are implying. What you should do is sit down and
think about why you are looking to have any sort of an ‘affair’. Has the
relationship with your husband lost its sparkle? Start holding his hand,
instead of the maid’s.
Dear Hillary,
I used to be very friendly with a girl in a local café and often used to
just pop in for a coffee and to say hello, as her English was not very good,
though I thought I could probably teach her. About three months ago she
disappeared and the new waitress could not tell me where she had gone. I
bumped into her in the street the other day and I asked her where she had
been. Her English was so much better, that I decided to ask her out for
dinner. She told me she couldn’t go as she was working in a bar, but I
could see her there. I was just so disappointed. How could a sweet young
girl from a restaurant turn into yet another bar girl? I still like her a
lot. Should I try to get her to leave?
Wally
Dear Wally,
In a word, No! There’s an old saying - You can take a girl out of a bar but
you can’t take the bar out of the girl! If that’s what your sweet young
thing wants to do, you have to accept it. She has her reasons for working
there, and they are probably financial. You do not need to start a
relationship based on financial need and your presumed ability to supply the
cash to cover that need. Beware, young Wally. Beware!
Dear Hillary,
I am a 61 year old expat who has recently been visiting Thailand. I am
currently having a house built in Pattaya. I have taken up with a 21 year
old bargirl. I think she is into leather and bondage because when she saw
my wallet she wanted to get tied to it. What do you think are the chances
of a long term relationship?
Mark. D. Sade
Dear Mark,
How long? Depends on how long you keep your wallet filled, Petal. You
could also try keeping your money in a sock, rather than a leather wallet if
you think leather’s the attraction.
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Dear Hillary,
One of the chaps at work I look on as a friend, as he’s from the UK like
me. We used to laugh and joke together and we could slap each other on the
shoulder, but that’s as physical as it got. Last week he suggested we “go
somewhere” at lunchtime, so I thought he meant to local food stall or
something like that. Comes Tuesday and he says “OK, lets go somewhere this
lunchtime.” I pressed him for where and he told me he wanted us to go to a
short-time hotel! I didn’t know what to say and said that it wasn’t a good
time and I had too much work to do. Since then he asks every day when are
we going, and I am getting confused as what to do next. I don’t know why he
thinks I want an M-M experience, I’m not that way inclined. I don’t want to
give up the job, as I like working there (or I used to). Can I just tell
him that I’m not interested, or will that make him angry? He is in charge
of my section. Is he strange or something?
Worried (I don’t want to give my real name if you don’t mind),
Dear Worried,
That’s fine about your real name, I don’t need to know your name anyway.
Your supervisor has obviously taken your slaps on the shoulder as a physical
‘come-on’, which you have innocently done in return for his physical
gestures. All you can do is to say to him that it’s not your scene, and
leave it at that. You don’t have to make up excuses, as if you do, he’ll
try and counter them. There’s all kinds of different people in this world,
so don’t imagine that he’s strange - he’s just different from you.
Dear Hillary,
My Thai GF and I get on just fine. We’ve known each other for 18 months,
and every time I come over which is usually a couple of times a year, it is
just great. She is starting to make marriage noises and takes me round to
all her GFs who’ve got foreign husbands, to show me that it can work, I’m
sure. The thing that worries me most is this dowry thing. I don’t have
much money (I use most of my salary traveling backwards and forwards to
Thailand) and even though I’m happy enough for us to get married, I don’t
want this to mean I get hit with a big bill. Is this still a big deal in
Thailand? I keep on wanting to ask some of the foreign husbands if they
have paid it, but I don’t want to look stupid in front of them.
Bill
Dear Bill,
I don’t think you’ve thought this through, my Petal. If you get married,
where are you going to live? There or here? I read your letter as one
situation where you continue to commute between here and your home town, but
instead of her being a GF, she gets upgraded to “wife”. Personally, Bill, I
don’t think you are ready for a true commitment right now, and I suggest you
just keep the status quo. If she is happy to be your GF a couple of times a
year, then fine, but if she wants something more permanent, you may have to
let her go. However, if you do go ahead with your plans (or her plans I
think), you should sit down and discuss your finances with your GF, so that
she doesn’t get a rude shock either. She will soon tell you how much would
be expected as a dowry, but remember every case is different. A divorced
woman with two children would not expect a dowry, but a young woman with a
university degree and no children would be very different.
Dear Hillary,
This week I visited my favorite chrome pole palace and my eyes almost popped
out. She was not your average dancer, she was in a class of her own, making
the stage come alive as she moved, bumped and swayed through her bracket of
songs. I know nothing of her background but her foreground was mind
boggling. She has movie star looks with flawless skin, and a tall, lithe
curvy body. I bought her a drink and learned that she has never married,
has no kids, and her parents are healthy and wealthy and don’t own a water
buffalo. She doesn’t smoke, drink or eat fried bugs and is not motivated by
money. Her only wish is to meet somebody who will be kind enough to teach
her English so that she can read and study her set of Encyclopedia
Britannica, and she’s chosen me.
Jimbo
Dear Jimbo,
Or is that Jumbo? Or even more like it “Dumbo”. You should stop smoking
those cigarettes made from funny tomato plants. Not only is it against the
law, but it gives people delusions. Come on now, English teachers do not go
to chrome pole palaces to run English classes, even if the said go-go dancer
is standing on the complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. In the
meantime, I have spoken to your doctor and he says to double the tablets
immediately.
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