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Heart to Heart with Hillary


Update June 25, 2016

Dear Hillary,

Are some of your writers real? They come up with amazing facts like there are old foreign males walking around Pattaya with young Thai women in tow! It would be more amazing if old foreign women were walking around with young Thai men in tow (not that it doesn’t happen, mind you). What is wrong with these people? Can’t they just live and let live? They aren’t doing anybody any harm.



Dear Bern,

I agree with you, Petal. If someone wants to walk down the street with a duck, then let them. There might be loads of duck lovers out there, but it doesn’t matter how many, or how few. As you say, “live and let live.” So much of today’s problems come from the bad attitudes shown by some people towards others. And the good thing about ducks is they all meet the British Standard Duck Test (If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, walks like a duck and swims like a duck, then it most probably is a duck).


Hi Hillary,

What’s with all these people calling for help on the social media. Don’t they have friends they can just ring up? Or is it because the social media is free?



Dear Jerome,

Aren’t you the comforting one? Glad I’m not on your “friends” list. Look, Petal, everyone (except you) can need a hug or a kind word from somebody, and the social media is made up of lots of somebodies! I don’t believe that in a time of need, whatever the reason, you think about the cost of a phone call. Perhaps if you answered some of the calls you could have a better view on life. I would agree that the social media has strayed from what was originally envisaged and now has too many adverts and “look at me” people, but it is still a wonderful way to stay in contact with the world.


Dear Hillary,

I do enjoy your column each week, Hillary my Petal, and it never ceases to amaze me that so many males in this country seem to be in trouble with their relationships. It would be interesting to know how many of these guys complaining had problems with relationships in their own countries. I reckon that most of them did. Thai women are so easy to be with in comparison to the western women.



Dear Jack,

You are generalizing a bit, Petal. There are many happy campers here, but they don’t need to write to my column. They’re just “lovin it” as the hamburger said. I think you could be right, though about serial problem cases.


Dear Hillary,

You had some guy complaining that he was being pestered at the bar. If you don’t want to be the object of bar girls interest just tell them you have no money and there will be a big void all around you as you are left alone. Alternatively tell them you have a Thai wife and she is back at the condo with the kids, again you will mostly be left alone. If however you want to be the center of attention buy a few lady drinks and generally let it be known you have money to burn having a good time.


Dear Chris,

Right on, Baby! Right on!


Dear Hillary,

I have to laugh at all your letter writers, wondering if they have found THE ONE, when they should start looking at themselves to see if they would be THE ONE for any of the women around here. I’m not talking about the girls from the bars, who are only there for one thing – money, while the blokes are also there for one thing – sex. They’ll never find the right one there. I’m talking about the ones you call “good girls”, and these blokes aren’t even looking in the right place, and I reckon no self respecting girl would want to be seen with some fat old bloke wobbling along with a skinful of booze every night. You try telling ‘em, Hillary, I’ve given up. They’ve got no (expletive removed) idea.

Al the Advisor


Dear Al,

I understand where you’re coming from Petal, but if you want to be an advisor you’ve got to do more than throwing a bucket of warm manure over the people wanting advice. Once the average chap understands what the bars are for, and what the girls who work in the bars are there for, then you’re about half way there to finding someone who might be THE ONE and obviously not from the bar scene. The bars are for fun, not for evers. You are correct when you say that the chaps looking for a partner have to present themselves in a good way as well. No Thai lady is looking for the kind of farang you best know. Finding THE ONE is difficult in any society, in any country, and is no different here. Just keep on showing those who ask of you where they shouldn’t look, and you’ve done your bit, Al. You could start with Jack with his problems this week. And he has big problems!


Update June 18, 2016

Hi Hillary,
Today my hairdresser handed me her phone number. I always like her. She is 33 live alone, speak English, pretty and lonely. She loved the fact that I don’t date bar girls. Good time with them yes dating them a big no!
Her complain (sic) and I heard before is good girls here cannot meet nice guys here. All they have here is bars for bad girls so where are good girls suppose to go to meet nice guys?
You know if I was younger I would put a lot of bars out of business. I will open bars New York style. Bars in New York my town packed every night. No bar girls, no bar fee, no hustling. Girls there no associated with the bars so everybody go there to meet nice girls no hooking. Of course some bars have hookers but it’s between the boys and the girls.
I would open this kind of bars here and I am sure most retired men who live here would rather get involved with nice girls than bar girls. Me too. So far I took out my hair dresser and we had a great time. I dated in my many visits here sales girls from big shopping centers, a waitress, a pharmacist and a girl work for optician. I would consider marrying one of these girls but never a bar girl. Remember the phrase you can get bar girl from the bar but you can’t get the bar out of the girl.

Dear Gil,
Aren’t you the little philosopher. NY bars packed with virgins and no hustlers. So all those movies that I’ve watched with scenes in NY bars are all fairy tales? I am also impressed with your imposing line-up of dates, all of whom you would consider marrying. Noted there were no journalists in the list, though. The jaunty little ditty you were trying to re-create, goes “You can take a girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl.” How short is your hair now?

Dear Hillary,
I was told many years ago that you shouldn’t let your wife’s family come to stay with you, even just for a few days, as it always ends up for weeks or months. I thought I was lucky because it never happened to me. Relatives might stay one or two nights, but that was it. Recently things have changed a lot now with her brother and her cousin and her mother all staying in the house with us. They all stay in the one room which I think is a bit unhealthy, and they’ve been here for three months and there’s no sign of them leaving. They are quiet and do help around the house and garden, but this wasn’t what I really expected. I asked my wife about it but she just says it’s OK and they’ll be going soon after their brother and cousin have got jobs and mother is just having a holiday. Well I wish I could have three month holidays. What’s the next move, Hillary? Enough’s enough, surely. I have a close family in the UK, but they wouldn’t come and stay forever.
Horace the House Husband

Dear Horace the House Husband,
You are now starting to see a little of what Thai society is all about, my Petal. Family reigns supreme, and it is usual for them all to sleep in the same room. It’s not unhealthy. It is Thai. When you got married, you joined a Thai family, much more than your wife joining your UK family. After all, you married a Thai lady and chose to live in Thailand. You would have to expect that Thai culture will be dominant. You can try voicing your reluctance to have them there, but be prepared for difficulties. This is your wife’s immediate family. You can always try to find them jobs – in a far away city. Lots of luck!

Dear Hillary,
I’m a bit new to Thailand, so I’m probably not the first to ask this, but why do Thai women sit sideways on motorcycles? When did it start? Have they always done this? You would never see anything like this in England, so it really blows me away every time.
Sideways Sam

Dear Sideways Sam,
You seem to have your eyes open here, but you must have had them closed in the UK. Go to any horsey event and you will see the women riding side-saddle. Even the Queen of England rides side-saddle for the trooping of the color. However, getting back to your question regarding riding side-saddle here, it is for the sake of decency, young man. How can a woman in a long skirt, or even more in a short skirt, look polite and decorous with the hem hitched up above the hips, and legs hanging down each side of motorcycle (or horse or elephant)? Thai women have had wrap skirts for years and rode buffaloes side-saddle, long before the motorcycle arrived in the villages. If we adopted UK regulations banning small children in front of the rider, and a side-saddle passenger or two on behind and no shopping bags hanging from the rear vision mirrors, the streets would be empty, Petal!

Update June 11, 2016

Hi Hillary,

I had very unusual experience after 11visits in Pattaya. I met young girl at the bar who look nervous. She told me she is 21 but she look younger. At my condo she look more nervous. Answering my questions she said she is 19 and have one year old baby, studied marketing and all jobs paying baht 300 a day and she can’t survive on that you know she pay mama and room and food I felt so bad for her and she started crying admitting that this her first week working as bar girl. During the action, she was shaking like a leaf. I really felt sorry she was very pretty. Her mom is 42 and I am 67. I am even too old for her mother. I come here to have fun with young girl but I have a heart too. I realized that the salary here is baht 300 for most jobs of none skilled girls. It’s a shame. Many girls I met in the past said the same about the low salary that drove them to become bar girls. Good for us horny old men but bad for the girls. I don’t think girls are dreaming about becoming bar girls. They are just victims of very sad circumstances.



Dear Deon,

I have the very strong feeling that you are pulling my leg, as you say in your country. You say you have had 11 visits to Pattaya and meeting a young bar girl was an unusual experience. Am I to believe this is the first time in 11 visits you have been given the sob story of baby, pay Mom, rent room, low salary. All that was missing was the sick buffalo and the brother’s motorcycle accident. You say they are just victims of very sad circumstances. Piffle. You are the victim of the sad circumstances. 67 years old and taken in by a bar girl’s tears. You think of yourself as the great white hunter and benefactor. You’re not Petal. You are the hunted. (Ask any long stay expat, you’ll find them sitting outside a 7-eleven, and they will confirm this.)


Dear Hillary,

I’m coming your way in December. What are the safe bars to frequent in Pattaya? I don’t want to be ripped off. I’m told you’ve got to be careful in any go-go bar, but what about the bars out in the suburbs? What happens if you’re still there after official closing time? I’ve got a few more questions, but they can wait till closer to my trip. My lodgings are out in the western country, and nothing like Thailand (I was over once before a couple of years ago).



Dear Capt. Jack,

You are the timid one, aren’t you, nothing like Capt. Jack Sparrow. There is no way I can give you a six month in advance bar forecast. Bars change weekly, some daily. Just use common savvy, Petal. If a bar is empty, then you can say that it isn’t the most popular one, can’t you? If it is thumping and full of people, then it is popular. There’s many bars more than go-go, with sports bars, music bars, family hangouts and more. Just tread gently, go slowly and you’ll be OK. If you’re still there after closing time, don’t worry, the staff will put you right.

Dear Hillary,

I love your column. I have been coming to Asia from the US for 15 years. I bought a condominium here, got a drivers license, bought a car, and have a retirement visa. I am continually amazed how stupid western men are when they come here. They do not act the way they would back home and take women for granted. I frankly think they deserve to get taken for all they are stupidly worth or claim to be. I hear too many of them bragging (mostly lying) about how great they are, how much money they have etc., I hope they get robbed. I live here and have many Thai friends. I respect them for their lifestyle and do not care that I may have more money that they, they have HUGE hearts and that is what I care about. Those idiots who come here to use them deserve to get ripped off. So, to those who do not learn or respect the culture, spend your money and get the hell out.



Dear Peter,

Anyone who starts their message with “I love your column” goes straight to the top. Flattery will get you everywhere, and some chockies and bubbles gets you even further! Unfortunately you are correct that many westerners do write their CV on the plane coming over, thinking that nobody in a third world country will ever know the truth – but the social networks soon show up the frauds. After that it is downhill from there. I am glad to hear you have some Thai friends and you respect their lifestyle, which can be quite different from the westerner’s, but you are here in Thailand and have really made the grade. Well done.

Update June 7, 2016

Dear Hillary,

Anyone who is stupid enough to fall for the I lub you line is a total muppet and deserves what they get to be honest. These girls are in the business of separating mugs from their money and are VERY good at it.


Thai girls are simply the best Mambo Mattress partners in the world and worth far more then Goerge mentioned which would earn you about 1 hour from a Los Angeles tired/harried/haggard/lack luster hooker!



Dear Chris and Don,

Hope you don’t mind I lumped you both together as you were replying to a previous email from Goerge who seems to have a fixation on how much the ladies cost. Since these are private negotiations, I am not privy to the costs involved, but Goerge needs to loosen up a little.


Dear Hillary,

Further to Will’s “good girl” trail. If she jumped into bed with him on a first date she is certainly not what most Thais would regard as a ‘good girl’. Chances are she is a former bar worker trying to get out of that scene but still happy to make a few quid on the side.



Dear Kris,

You are applying a Western moral code in an Eastern situation, my Petal. You should stop being so judgmental. If you find the laundry costs are getting too high then perhaps go to another cheaper laundry. There’s bound to be another one in between the massage parlor, the beauty salon and the noodle shop. And no, I haven’t been spying on you, but all streets have those establishments, and I forgot about the motorbike repair place and the pharmacy.


Dear Hillary,

I came to Thailand for a two week holiday and met a young girl, as you do. We got along well, so I paid for her company up till the day before I left. That was when she started ringing me up and asking to see me, saying she was in love with me. Even if she couldn’t be with me for my last night she wanted to come and see me before the taxi picked me up. I felt bad about this but all my mates told me to forget about her, but I kept on answering her calls, but the mates stopped me from giving in, but I still felt bad about it all. What do you think I should have done? Mike


Dear Mike,

You forgot where you met this young lady who fell madly in love with you after 10 days. You paid for her company, my Petal. It was a business arrangement, not a matrimonial contract. By making you feel indebted to her, she was much more likely to extract even more money from you, which is why she wanted the face to face meeting, even on that last morning, you never know what you can get, even if it is just what is left in your wallet. You don’t say how old you are, but you are obviously a babe compared to the lady from the bar. What should you have done? Just what you did do, and that was to cut the relationship once the period of hire was completed. It was a short-time holiday romance, and a paid one at that. Next time you come over, you will hopefully be more mature, more wise and keep a tight hold on your wallet.


Dear Hillary,

Can you help please? I know this might sound strange, but do all Thai people ask you the most personal questions that I find quite embarrassing. Things like “How much money you make? You married yet? Why not? You got girlfriend? You want me to go with you (or even more explicit)?” Apart from the fact that this is considered a very rude way of starting a relationship in the UK, I also find it very embarrassing when I am over here. How do I get these people to stop doing this? You seem to have the answers for everyone else, so I hope you have some for my problems too.



Dear Shy,

You have to look at where are these women who ask such direct questions. My bet is in a bar somewhere. Be real and be thankful that ‘these people’ as you call them are interested enough in you to even ask questions. There’s only one thing worse than being a wall-flower at parties, and that’s not being asked at all. In actual fact, my turtledove, those inquiries are very cleverly designed “standard” bar girl questions to see if you are worthwhile bothering with at all. If you have no money all interest will be lost immediately. Likewise if you are married they will want to know if “You marry Thai?” or whether your partner is waiting faithfully for you back home in the UK, while you contemplate the unfaithful ideas while on a fact-finding junket to the Orient. Lighten up and when you are asked next time just say, “No money. Wife take all money to boy bar,” and then laugh a lot. They’ll get the message and you will be left happily lonely, then you can write me letters asking why does nobody talk to you!


HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]

Update June 25, 2016

Update June 18, 2016

Update June 11, 2016

Update June 7, 2016