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Heart to Heart with Hillary


 Update October 29, 2016

Dear Hillary,

What’s your advice for blokes over 70, like me, looking at the girlfriends available? Bit different from back in Blighty. I find I like the 35-45 year old ones most, but this makes them 30 years younger than me. The 60 year old ones don’t interest me at all, and the 20 year youngsters are only after my money. My friends all tell me I should be looking for one closer to my age. What do you say, Hillary?



Dear Reg,

You should wake up every morning thanking your lucky stars that you found Thailand, and thanking Cupid that you have such a choice. Petal, your heart will tell you which one is the right one for you, but please remember that you come from a different kind of society and the eager to please attitude of us Thai ladies does not mean that we are all ideal mates. You have been warned.


Dear Hillary,

Times are tough for us expat pensioners from the UK. With pensions frozen at the 2010 level for me and the backside falling out of the pound, my purchasing power is going down with it. I’m not quite at the level of drinking from a stale bottle of beer outside the 7-Eleven at 10 in the morning. I need to do something, but even playing pool in the pub means buying beers. And as for the ladies – way out of my price range these days. Any suggestions?



Dear Harve,

I do feel for you, my Petal. It’s not a nice feeling, that’s for sure. You have to look at things to do that don’t involve money. Some ideas include photography, bicycle riding, chess, painting, jewelry design, wood carving, gardening, and orchid growing. There’s more, but you have to see what you like. All the best of British luck!


Dear Hillary,

There’s a bar just up the road from me, so it’s the place I use as my local watering hole. I generally buy drinks for the dollies, but if they ask the usual “Buy me cola” I give them the swerve. I don’t mind buying anyone a drink if they are sitting with me and looking after me, but not with the constant hand out. That was a long introduction for my question, what’s a reasonable tip these days? 5 percent, 10 percent, 20 percent?



Dear Lester,

Tipping is always up to the customer, and a lot depends on what you have bought. With times being tough, for both buyer and seller, I suggest round about five percent. For bar tabs at the end of the night, leave the change if it is not too much (one 20 baht note and some coins). Tipping used to be for service above what you expect, but these days it’s just to help boost poor salaries.

P.S. I just checked my tip box, and as usual, it’s empty!


Dear Hillary,

Why does every Thai man now have shaved sides on their heads and long on top? Just like the dictator of North Korea. And if that isn’t enough, they are all trying to grow beards and mustaches as if they belong to a religious group. Have they no originality? Or has it been bred out of them?



Dear Mark,

I agree with you, Petal. It used to be you could recognize the young army boys with the short back and sides, but now it is silly. Unfortunately, individuality is not fostered in this country, just look at the school children and their shaved heads, even though that requirement was officially stopped earlier this year, it is still being done.


Dear Hillary,

After a few misfires at finding a good woman, I started reading your column and found that I wasn’t the only one with problems. So I could see where we were all going up the wrong road. I slowed down and took a turn the other way and very soon met a beautiful woman who was interested in me and not my bank account. She has never asked me for a penny for anything, while all the ones before always had their hand out for something or other, new phones, gold, motorcycles, house for Mama Papa and all the other reasons that these women seem to find. I could appreciate her for what she was – a good woman. I consider myself to be very lucky to be with someone like that. For my so-called friends it has been a bit of a shock, as she used to work in a cabaret, but I don’t believe it is important what anyone used to be before. Sorry no champers, for guessing. Yes, she is a katoey, but is still the best woman I’ve ever been with.



Dear Graham,

Yours is an intriguing story, and I agree with you that what someone was before, really does not matter. It is the ‘now’ that is important, and if you and your “best woman” are happy in the ‘now’, that is all that matters. Ignore those people who would make judgments, it is your life, not theirs.

Update October 22, 2016

Dear Hillary,

Why is it that girls with small breasts all wear padded, up-lift bras while they don’t need anything, while the girls with big breasts don’t wear any? To me that looks as if the two groups are going about it the wrong way.


Dear Jason,

It is the old situation where those who don’t have everything want what they haven’t got, while the ones who do have it, want to flaunt it. I don’t agree with you that the big breasted girls don’t wear bras by the way, all the ones I know do, as it gives them pain to be without support.


(After a discussion a couple of weeks ago about Thai women and romanticism.)

I agree with Hilary, if you are looking at bar girls NOTHING speaks better than cash. In the unlikely event that you enter into a relationship with a non bar girl (it is a long drawn out process involving many chaperoned dates) then chocolates and roses are appreciated as they are in the west.


Dear Chris,

Thank you for agreeing with me. So where’s my chocolates and roses, Petal? On second thoughts, forget the flowers, just make it chocolates and champagne.


Dear Hillary,

These good girls of yours are no different from the 9-5 ladies you find in shops anywhere. I’ve had two laundry owners, two dress shop owners and a maid in the past, and right now I’ve got nobody. Why? Because they all want money, money, money. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a cheap Charlie, but entering a relationship with any Thai woman is just the same with them all. For any of them to be your Queen, you have to remember that cash is King,


Dear Randall,

I bet that you’ve always been called “Randy”. Two laundry owners, two dress shop owners and a maid. Not a bad sort of CV for a young lad. You say you’re not a cheap Charlie, but there is something amiss when five ladies don’t fit your bill, or is it something else? You don’t fit theirs? I am wondering whether your email is genuine, or just an immature boy trying to look grown up.


Dear Hillary,

There’s plenty of live music in Pattaya these days, any you go to or recommend.


Dear Alfie,

How long is a piece of string, my Petal? It all depends upon what sort of music you like? Heavy rock, ballads, horns, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s. You’re right, we’ve got it all. Try Venue at Mabprachan if you’re into the heavy stuff, my friends tell me.


Dear Hillary,

I am in the lucky position of having two girls I can choose from. They work in different bars, so I don’t have a direct face to face problem. They’ve both got Thai husbands who have run away leaving young kids up-country, being cared for by their mothers (kids grandmothers). They both say they want to look after me. Which one, Hillary? They are both stunners and when I am with one, I am thinking about the other.


Dear Geo,

Not a problem Petal. Get vet’s certificates as to the health of the family buffalo and keep the brother off the motorcycle. No buffalo or brother gets that one up to the top. In the meantime drink at another bar.


Dear Hillary,

I never thought I would have this problem, but I’ve certainly got it now. I have met absolutely the best girl for me. She is really super and works in an office near mine, in the same building in fact, so I see her here every day. I’m not the sort to rush in, I have done the homework and she’s not married or attached or anything like that, but here’s the problem. The girls in my office who have done the detective work tell me that she doesn’t speak English. In fact, it seems she has no English at all. I really want to get close to this woman, but I haven’t got enough Thai to be able to chat her up or anything. What’s my next step, Hillary

Tongue Tied Ted

Dear Tongue Tied Ted,

What a dilemma! After hours of surveillance, and some none too subtle investigations, here you are, hormones raging at the thought of this nice young woman and you don’t know how to pop the question. Or any question, for that matter. You have just discovered a simple and inescapable fact, my tongue tied Petal. The country this woman lives and works in is called Thailand. That’s not “tongue tie”-land, either. This is her country, and the language she speaks gets her everywhere, and everything. There is a lesson for you here. If you want to have a relationship with this Thai lady, then go and learn some basic Thai. Then go and try it out on her. If she thinks you are a nice chap, she will even help you with the pronunciations. However, if she doesn’t respond, then you have to accept the fact that you didn’t make her hormones explode, the way she made yours. Best of luck with the language course, and better make it soon.

Update October 15, 2016

Dear Hillary,

Have I found THE girl? There is a bar close to where I live, so I have been going there for a drink after work. Recently a new girl there has been giving me lots of attention, but never even asks for a ‘lady drink’, but I can see that all the other girls back off, so apparently she must be mine. Or is it that I am hers? Anyway, she is a nice girl, so I wouldn’t mind having her as a GF. How well should a guy know the girl before buying her out of the bar? It’s not cheap these days either.



Dear Glen,

You have to ask yourself, why is she working in a bar? There are other jobs she could take up, such as sales girl, 7-Eleven counter, waitress, fast food server and the like. I get a lot of tales of woe from chaps who take a lady from the bar on a more permanent basis. Remember the old adage, “You can take a girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl.” I take it from your email that you are young (under 30) and have not been here long. Answer me, do you really want somebody at home, getting under your feet and who will have very different social skills? You would be extremely lucky to find THE girl, Petal.

Dear Hillary,

I apologize for my unprofessional English. Is it possible that a letter from Germany are not arriving the receiver or right target? I have meet a nice Thai girl in the last holiday and the friendship between us are deepens. I write in the meantime several letters to my girlfriend and she write me back. And we have no problems until now. The last letter I write on August but no answer. Inside the letter 2,000 baht and some picture. I called to my girl at the bar but she said there is no letter coming from me. What will I do? Your newspaper are my only help for my Heartbreak Situation. I talk with other people who are stay in Thailand before and they talk to me that some girls are simply lying. But I am really desperate and I only want to know what is true or not, because I love she very much. Have maybe somebody of the Post staff stolen the letter or anybody else? So I want to know your meaning about this sadden situation. I am thank you and I looking forward of an answer of you to me.



Dear Jurgen from ‘Yeraman’,

Don’t worry about your English as your emotions came through very plainly (and painfully too). Unfortunately I have heard from many people that letters containing money go missing. The answer is to disguise the fact that there may be money in the letter by putting it inside a card or a small magazine. That way when the letter is held up to a bright light you cannot see the money inside. Perhaps it might also be better to save your money so that you can get over here more often. There are much safer ways to transfer money too. Have you looked into using a safe debit card account for her, as you can transfer money directly to an account that you control? By the way, I don’t think your girlfriend is lying, from the information that you have given me, but scams have been known for many years. Be careful!


Dear Hillary,

I come over once a year for my annual holidays in January and do what every red blooded male does and visit the ladies. I mentioned to one little honey last year that I was coming back again this time in October, and on my first night I get an SMS from her to tell me where she is working. Do you think this is a genuine thing, and she has been waiting for me to come back, or what?



Dear Jerry,

Of course she is genuine. Why would you ask? She has been genuinely waiting, having noted your telephone number and dates in her latest iPhone 6 plus, along with all the others who come over at different times. You were just lucky your dates fitted nicely into the October slot! Jerry, my Petal, this girl is really genuine – a genuine 100 percent bar girl who knows how to run her business and knows how to market it to unsuspecting annual holiday makers such as yourself. Get a grip, Jerry. Enjoy the holiday, but don’t start thinking that the next girl who remembers you has kept your smiling face in her heart. It might be in her iPhone, so that she can recognize you from all the other Tom’s, Dick’s, Harry’s and Jerry’s from last year. And don’t buy her a motorcycle or pay the vet’s bills for the ailing buffalo, there’s a good chap, or you’ll be getting more SMS messages to your home, something you probably don’t want.

Update October 8, 2016

Dear Hillary,

I’ve met up with a nice girl, well she’s 37, so not really a girl. She’s gone up country for a few weeks and we have been in touch by message. She tells me that she misses me and is looking forward to getting back to Pattaya, and I miss her too, but I wonder about whether she means it. I did meet her in a bar, but she said she was service, not for bar fine, if you know what I mean. She is up country doing a course in hairdressing so it’s not a Thai husband thing, and she sends me photos of her in the salon. What do you think, Hillary? Should I keep going here, or run for cover because of her past? (I bar-fined her to start our relationship.)



Dear Stuart,

Your lady is no youngster. Answer this: so why is she working in a bar? I would be very careful if I were you my Petal. Don’t fall in love, though it sounds as if you have already! If she were actually working in a salon it would be a better indication of what she wants in life. Just make sure you are not paying for the course and an apprenticeship down here.


Dear Hillary,

Did you know that some bars are charging B. 1,000 as bar fine for the honor of taking Miss Wunnite Satand out of the bar? Killing the goose that lays the golden egg I reckon. The number of tourists is already down and this will knock them further down. How can you find out first? Don’t you think they should have the prices on a board? After all, they do it with beer prices.



Dear Gerd,

I’m not a great frequenter of girly bars, Petal, but I have seen notices on the walls. Perhaps you are too dazzled by the young ladies? If there isn’t anything posted on the wall, then do what every red-blooded man would do – ask the girls, or the mamas and you can make up your mind nice and early.


Dear Hillary,

You get about a bit, I’m sure. Where is the best place to take my Mum and Dad for a slap-up dinner in December? Don’t want it too high falutin as they are simple folks, but somewhere that has good food that a couple in their 60’s would like.



Dear Garry,

There’s 12 weeks to Xmas and if you look in this paper there are restaurant reviews every week. You can also go back into the archives and read the reviews of places done already, Petal. You will find something that will fit the bill I am sure. Best of luck and I hope your Mum and Dad enjoy themselves when they are here. You are a nice boy to look after your parents like this.


Dear Hillary,

I have been offered a maid for two days a week at my house. She has been working in Pattaya before, but her boss is cutting expenses. They are talking about 6,000 baht a month as salary, but I am worried as she is a Lao person, not Thai. What should I do next?



Dear James,

I presume you are here as an alien, and if you want to legally employ another alien, you might find it is difficult and time consuming. The salary asked for is top money too. There are plenty of deserving Thai people around, as times are tough. I’d let the offer go, if I were you, Petal.


Dear Hillary,

The other night in the bar we had a discussion whether Thai females are romantic. I say that they are, but my drinking buddies all say not. They said that all they are interested in are large amounts of gold, and the larger the better. The other thing Thai women want is food, best every two hours and eaten on the floor. Surely there are still some gals out there who appreciate roses and chocolates (apart from you, Hillary)? I need you to back me up here, Hillary. Or have I got a far too romantic side of me?

Rose (but I’m male!)


Dear Rose (but I’m male),

Such a lovely name, and chocolates and roses are nice, but I prefer champagne and chocs. Of course there are romantic ladies left in Thailand, other than myself. It sounds to me as if your drinking buddies are looking for ladies from the wrong watering holes. The professional ladies who come to the surface with the sick buffalos in tow are certainly only looking for gold. That is their business, their profession (and an old one at that). And gold can very easily be exchanged for cash, the universal language. However, by looking in the universities, offices and even department stores, you will find ladies who appreciate being appreciated. You are correct, Rose. Your friends are taking too narrow a sample to base their findings. You don’t have rose colored glasses. Your drinking buddies are looking at life through beer glasses.


HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]

Update October 29, 2016

Update October 22, 2016

Update October 15, 2016

Update October 8, 2016