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Update September, 2019


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Heart to Heart with Hillary

 

Heart to Heart - September 20, 2019 - October 03, 2019

Family culture

Dear Hillary,

With all these men writing to you to say how they have been tricked or cheated but not everyone has a hard-luck story. Certainly there are differences between Thai women and European/American women, but that is part of their charm. There are also differences in culture, so to say that looking after sick or needy relatives is an imposition means that the man does not understand the “family” culture here, as opposed to the selfish culture of “me first” above everything else, which is the usual situation in the west. Certainly the relatives stay with us when they are in town, but it is a small price to pay. I think many of these men who write to you are selfish in their attitude, and they bring the end results upon themselves. To those men who complain about all the problems they have, I say treat the Thai women with consideration, respect their culture, this is their country, not yours and you will be rewarded with a deep and satisfying association.

Joe

Dear Joe,

It pleases me very much to see there are some men over here who are prepared to admit to and respect the fact that they are guests in this country. Sure, there are societal differences as this is not America, this is Amazing Thailand. Fitting in as you have done is very much better than trying to make the women and the customs conform to your western ways. By the same token, you should carefully choose your life’s mate, slowly and thoughtfully, just as you would do when looking for a mate in your own countries. One night of bar fine passion is not the basis for a strong and lasting union, something many of you appear not to have understood.

 

Advice from the bar

Dear Hillary,

Local pub mates tell me all that the three things Thai women are interested in is money, money, money. I am in a long time relationship with a Thai woman, but she is a lot younger than me. Is she interested in me, or money? If it’s money she hides it pretty well. Who should I believe?

John

Dear John,

No, my Petal, Thai women are not just interested in money. For example, I am also interested in chocolates and champagne. All women, are interested in finding a mate who can support them and their children (and the family in Thailand). Why should any woman be interested in marrying a pauper? Would you? There are not too many couples you could call Romeo and Juliette in the world, but there are thousands of successful marriages, which exist for the mutual benefit of both parties. I am not saying that ‘romance’ is dead, but likewise a union based on an unreal expectation is also headed for the scrap heap. If you and your lady are happy as you are, with the money you have or haven’t got, then just enjoy life and don’t spend time worrying about what other people say in bars.

 

Cereal mahogany

Dear Hillary,

There’s been some letters to you about the Kid in the Candy store. As was pointed out, some foreigners never get over the candy store phase, but I think you will find that this is because they haven’t found the girl they really “clicked” with, so rather than become a crotchety old thing (I’m not pointing the finger at you, Hillary) they stay in the candy store, and I never hear many complaints. Have you heard of serial monogamy Hillary? That’s what this leads to.

Billy the Kid

Dear Billy the Kid,

I am so glad you’ve got everything in your life mapped out so well. It’s because of generous souls like yourself that the candy stores can continue to trade. In the meantime a box of Maynard’s Wine Gums will be very satisfactory. Thank you my Petal. However, this cereal mahogany has me a little worried. Is this a breakfast cereal the candy store sells? With colored hundreds and thousands on the top?

 

Here’s my business card

Dear Hillary,

Are all Thai girls as forward as the one I met the other night? I was sitting on my own in the bar and I didn’t want to listen to the usual inane chatter that the bar girls carry on with, so I started to talk to the service girl and she seemed a nice enough lady, so I bought her a couple of drinks, but then went home. The next day she rolls up at my office with some flowers for me! I was so embarrassed, as all my work mates were laughing. I asked one of the girls to find out what she wanted, but all they said was that the lady liked me. What do I do with this? The last thing I need is unwanted visits.

Embarrassed Eddie

Dear Embarrassed Eddie,

Just how did this girl know where you worked? If she is clairvoyant, then I think you should keep her, my Petal, and cash up on all the winning tickets she will predict for you. But if, on the other hand, it was because you gave her your business card, then you have nobody to blame but yourself. Of course you can always use someone else’s card.


Heart to Heart - September 06, 2019 - September 19, 2019

Mick Dundee where are you?!

Dear Hillary,

I am a successful businessman, an Australian who has worked hard, accumulated a high level of wealth that provides me with a very comfortable lifestyle long before I would be eligible for a pension. Despite my financial successes, I have failed miserably in finding true love. One might even call me a failure in that regard.

I’m not a good loser, so I have commenced a world wide trek to track down that elusive female butterfly. One who will be able to fill that void in my life, love me, marry me and produce our children.

Here’s where I am in the quest for my future mate. Australian women are not suitable. I have always believed that any relationship is a 50/50 proposition, but Aussie women don't understand fractions.

I flew to America. I met an attractive girl there and took her to Disneyland to enjoy the rides, but she took me for a ride instead.

In Canada I met a beautiful librarian, but she spent most of her time reading my bank books.

In Paris I met a very tender person, but she was frankly only interested in legal tender.

I am now here in Pattaya, still searching for my butterfly. I have met a cute local girl named Noi who works at a beer bar. She doesn't seem interested in taking my money for herself and only insists that I give her two thousand baht every morning for her taxi ride home. It seems that both of her parents are always ill as she needs additional money to send to them and her brother who is always falling off his motorcycle (which I bought him).

Please tell me about the local girls. Could Noi be my elusive butterfly? She wants me to take her away from it all but could she take it all away from me? Could the fact that her parents are always ill have any detrimental genetic effect on any children we may have?

Awaiting your advice, as the lawyers write.

Mick

Dear Mick,

Aren’t you a little dear! Or should I say a little expensive? Is Noi your elusive butterfly? Of course! Be aware, however, perhaps elusive but not exclusive. Don’t worry about Noi’s health – she will only get sick later in life when the daughter you have between you meets a rich Australian who has worked hard and accumulated a high level of wealth and is looking for an elusive butterfly. In the meantime, I suggest she takes a cheaper taxi home, that Rolls-Royce is a little over the top. Give her 40 baht for a motorcycle taxi and see how she goes! Or should I say “disappears”. As they say here, you never lose your girl, you only lose your turn! Have you considered having yourself cloned? Us girls all over the world need more of you! (Other than Australian, American and Canadian.)

(I stumbled across this letter to me from many years ago. I wonder where Mick is now. And does he have any money left? If you’re still out there, then drop me a line, Mick. I have just the girl for you – me!)

 

Organizing a SWAT team

Dear Hillary,

Hello I have been reading your column for at least 20 years, so both of us are “experienced”. Whether I was here in Pattaya or in the U.S., when I was a young buck in the military, I had to learn the hard way. While you are most knowledgeable, it’s one-sided. It’s always from the Thai female psyche point of view. While you always offer a gentle solution to their problems, I feel some just have a hard heads. I know it’s immaterial whether or not they take the advice you offer, it’s up to them. But when it comes to the particularly stupid, I’d like to be of assistance if there is some way I could help in these hard core cases please contact me.

I’m still new at this being retired, and have yet to find a way to occupy my time, sure that will change in the future. Because from what I read in your column it’s always the newbie or nearly newbies who get themselves in emotional/ financial trouble. Us old timers are pretty well set, if we don’t know by now there is no helping us, nor are we seeking help. But not to invade on your turf - if I could be of any assistance please contact me.

Chas

Dear Chas,

You are such a nice man, offering to help an old lady in her time of need, but I have to tell you that it is not an easy job, my Petal. I often end up weeping real tears by the end of the day, reading about all the things that can happen to young chaps with more hormones than they need. There is also a logistics problem. My office is so small there wouldn’t be enough room for two of us, so while I thank you, let’s just keep our relationship on paper, the kind the bank deposits will show, but if I need the US Army and a SWAT team, I’ll let you know.

  


HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]

Heart to Heart - September 20, 2019 - October 03, 2019

Heart to Heart - September 06, 2019 - September 19, 2019

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