Heart to Heart
Heart to Heart - September 20, 2019 - October 03, 2019
With all these men writing to you to say how they have
been tricked or cheated but not everyone has a hard-luck story. Certainly
there are differences between Thai women and European/American women, but
that is part of their charm. There are also differences in culture, so to
say that looking after sick or needy relatives is an imposition means that
the man does not understand the “family” culture here, as opposed to the
selfish culture of “me first” above everything else, which is the usual
situation in the west. Certainly the relatives stay with us when they are in
town, but it is a small price to pay. I think many of these men who write to
you are selfish in their attitude, and they bring the end results upon
themselves. To those men who complain about all the problems they have, I
say treat the Thai women with consideration, respect their culture, this is
their country, not yours and you will be rewarded with a deep and satisfying
It pleases me very much to see there are some men
over here who are prepared to admit to and respect the fact that they are
guests in this country. Sure, there are societal differences as this is not
America, this is Amazing Thailand. Fitting in as you have done is very much
better than trying to make the women and the customs conform to your western
ways. By the same token, you should carefully choose your life’s mate,
slowly and thoughtfully, just as you would do when looking for a mate in
your own countries. One night of bar fine passion is not the basis for a
strong and lasting union, something many of you appear not to have
Advice from the bar
Local pub mates tell me all that the three things Thai
women are interested in is money, money, money. I am in a long time
relationship with a Thai woman, but she is a lot younger than me. Is she
interested in me, or money? If it’s money she hides it pretty well. Who
should I believe?
No, my Petal, Thai women are not just interested in
money. For example, I am also interested in chocolates and champagne. All
women, are interested in finding a mate who can support them and their
children (and the family in Thailand). Why should any woman be interested in
marrying a pauper? Would you? There are not too many couples you could call
Romeo and Juliette in the world, but there are thousands of successful
marriages, which exist for the mutual benefit of both parties. I am not
saying that ‘romance’ is dead, but likewise a union based on an unreal
expectation is also headed for the scrap heap. If you and your lady are
happy as you are, with the money you have or haven’t got, then just enjoy
life and don’t spend time worrying about what other people say in bars.
There’s been some letters to you about the Kid in the
Candy store. As was pointed out, some foreigners never get over the candy
store phase, but I think you will find that this is because they haven’t
found the girl they really “clicked” with, so rather than become a crotchety
old thing (I’m not pointing the finger at you, Hillary) they stay in the
candy store, and I never hear many complaints. Have you heard of serial
monogamy Hillary? That’s what this leads to.
Billy the Kid
Dear Billy the Kid,
I am so glad you’ve got everything in your life
mapped out so well. It’s because of generous souls like yourself that the
candy stores can continue to trade. In the meantime a box of Maynard’s Wine
Gums will be very satisfactory. Thank you my Petal. However, this cereal
mahogany has me a little worried. Is this a breakfast cereal the candy store
sells? With colored hundreds and thousands on the top?
Here’s my business card
Are all Thai girls as forward as the one I met the
other night? I was sitting on my own in the bar and I didn’t want to listen
to the usual inane chatter that the bar girls carry on with, so I started to
talk to the service girl and she seemed a nice enough lady, so I bought her
a couple of drinks, but then went home. The next day she rolls up at my
office with some flowers for me! I was so embarrassed, as all my work mates
were laughing. I asked one of the girls to find out what she wanted, but all
they said was that the lady liked me. What do I do with this? The last thing
I need is unwanted visits.
Dear Embarrassed Eddie,
Just how did this girl know where you worked? If she
is clairvoyant, then I think you should keep her, my Petal, and cash up on
all the winning tickets she will predict for you. But if, on the other hand,
it was because you gave her your business card, then you have nobody to
blame but yourself. Of course you can always use someone else’s card.
Heart to Heart - September 06, 2019 - September 19, 2019
Dundee where are you?!
I am a successful businessman, an Australian who has worked
hard, accumulated a high level of wealth that provides me with a very
comfortable lifestyle long before I would be eligible for a pension. Despite my
financial successes, I have failed miserably in finding true love. One might
even call me a failure in that regard.
I’m not a good loser, so I have commenced a world wide trek
to track down that elusive female butterfly. One who will be able to fill that
void in my life, love me, marry me and produce our children.
Here’s where I am in the quest for my future mate.
Australian women are not suitable. I have always believed that any relationship
is a 50/50 proposition, but Aussie women don't understand fractions.
I flew to America. I met an attractive girl there and took
her to Disneyland to enjoy the rides, but she took me for a ride instead.
In Canada I met a beautiful librarian, but she spent most
of her time reading my bank books.
In Paris I met a very tender person, but she was frankly
only interested in legal tender.
I am now here in Pattaya, still searching for my butterfly.
I have met a cute local girl named Noi who works at a beer bar. She doesn't seem
interested in taking my money for herself and only insists that I give her two
thousand baht every morning for her taxi ride home. It seems that both of her
parents are always ill as she needs additional money to send to them and her
brother who is always falling off his motorcycle (which I bought him).
Please tell me about the local girls. Could Noi be my
elusive butterfly? She wants me to take her away from it all but could she take
it all away from me? Could the fact that her parents are always ill have any
detrimental genetic effect on any children we may have?
Awaiting your advice, as the lawyers write.
Aren’t you a little dear! Or should I say a little
expensive? Is Noi your elusive butterfly? Of course! Be aware, however, perhaps
elusive but not exclusive. Don’t worry about Noi’s health – she will only get
sick later in life when the daughter you have between you meets a rich
Australian who has worked hard and accumulated a high level of wealth and is
looking for an elusive butterfly. In the meantime, I suggest she takes a cheaper
taxi home, that Rolls-Royce is a little over the top. Give her 40 baht for a
motorcycle taxi and see how she goes! Or should I say “disappears”. As they say
here, you never lose your girl, you only lose your turn! Have you considered
having yourself cloned? Us girls all over the world need more of you! (Other
than Australian, American and Canadian.)
(I stumbled across this letter to me from many years
ago. I wonder where Mick is now. And does he have any money left? If you’re
still out there, then drop me a line, Mick. I have just the girl for you – me!)
Organizing a SWAT team
Hello I have been reading your column for at least 20
years, so both of us are “experienced”. Whether I was here in Pattaya or in the
U.S., when I was a young buck in the military, I had to learn the hard way.
While you are most knowledgeable, it’s one-sided. It’s always from the Thai
female psyche point of view. While you always offer a gentle solution to their
problems, I feel some just have a hard heads. I know it’s immaterial whether or
not they take the advice you offer, it’s up to them. But when it comes to the
particularly stupid, I’d like to be of assistance if there is some way I could
help in these hard core cases please contact me.
I’m still new at this being retired, and have yet to find a
way to occupy my time, sure that will change in the future. Because from what I
read in your column it’s always the newbie or nearly newbies who get themselves
in emotional/ financial trouble. Us old timers are pretty well set, if we don’t
know by now there is no helping us, nor are we seeking help. But not to invade
on your turf - if I could be of any assistance please contact me.
You are such a nice man, offering to help an old lady in
her time of need, but I have to tell you that it is not an easy job, my Petal. I
often end up weeping real tears by the end of the day, reading about all the
things that can happen to young chaps with more hormones than they need. There
is also a logistics problem. My office is so small there wouldn’t be enough room
for two of us, so while I thank you, let’s just keep our relationship on paper,
the kind the bank deposits will show, but if I need the US Army and a SWAT team,
I’ll let you know.